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Alex Churchland

“	Time isn't what it was. A single day like a thousand years. And years somewhere else aren't even a moment. If you go far enough, maybe you'll get back to 'what was'.	„
	~ Alex Churchland

“	I had life figured out, but now it's all gone.	„
	~ Alex Churchland to Dr. Yado after he lost in the World Tournament

Background

Alex Churchland is the primary protagonist and playable character of LISA: The Pointless. His love for martial arts budded when he was young, eventually culminating in his participation in a World Tournament. After a traumatizing loss, Alex Churchland found himself working a job as a garbage man in Olathe.

For unknown reasons, an elderly post-Flash Alex Churchland was shot in the back by forces belonging to Rando's Army, his body dumped in the Mass Graves of Garbage Island. It is here that he is discovered, near death, by Joel Miller. After being nursed back to health, Alex embarks to leave the island. Hoping to find a better place to live in, Alex and Joel set out as a duo to travel the wastes of a post-apocalyptic Olathe, in search of a legendary city.

An aspiring martial artist, turned garbage man then reduced to literal garbage by cruel fate.

Statistics

Tier: 9-B, possibly 9-A

Name: Alex Churchland, Lucky (by Joel Miller)

Origin: LISA: The Pointless

Sex: Male

Age: In his 60s to 70s

Classification: Human, former garbage man

Dimensionality: 3-D

Attack Potency: Wall level (He can perform the Goat Kick, which is stated to send people flying; he can do this to Stefan Kindchild, who is a Sumo Ringer. He can deal damage to those than can harm him), possibly Room level (He can fight against an "ass-tired" Arnold Sphitz. He can deal damage to the Infinimobile. He can fight against Doyle Muscare, whose Infinite Deathmaker is potentially this strong)

Durability: Wall level (He can tank attacks from melee weapon-wielding opponents relatively well. He can tank being run over by the Infinimobile, which would result in Kinetic Energy at this level), possibly Room level (He can barely survive some blows from an "ass-tired" Arnold Sphitz. He can tank the Infinite Deathmaker)

Striking Strength: Wall Class, possibly Room Class | Wall Class, possibly Room Class

Lifting Strength: Peak Human (He is capable of carrying the corpses of Jessie Mack, Anaconda Virtue and Stefan Kindchild at the same time, which would make him this strong. Stronger than Joel)

Travel Speed: Average Human

Combat Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Reaction Speed: Peak Human (He can sometimes dodge blows from Arnold Sphitz), possibly Supersonic+ (He can dodge the Infinite Deathmaker which ignites the foes it hits, which should indicate that Doyle Muscare striked hard enough so that the shovel he was wielding temporarily caught on fire) | Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Stamina: Peak Human

Range: Standard Melee, Several Meters when throwing empty bottles

Intelligence: Above Average (The years have turned him into a wise person. It has been stated by WoG that he misremembers the specifics of the Velvet-Fu style and accidentally hones it over the course of the story, making it much more usable in actual combat. Thanks to this, he can routinely come out on top against opponents that have the means to swiftly defeat him if he slips up, though it should be noted that the majority of them have next to no real combat experience barring the rough-housing that they participated in in form of The Game. His stat sheet lists his technique to be as advanced as that of John Johnson, who fought in the fictious New Zealand Crisis and he can keep up with Chriss Belluci, who was a professional wrestler pre-flash)

Statistics

Tier: 9-B, possibly 9-A

Name: Alex Churchland

Origin: LISA: The Pointless

Sex: Male

Age: At most 19 (Born in the 60's, participated in the World Tournament in '79)

Classification: Human, initially aspiring martial artist, later garbage man

Dimensionality: 3-D

Attack Potency: Wall level, possibly Room level (Should at least be comparable to his old self, if not stronger)

Durability: Wall level, possibly Room level

Striking Strength: Wall level, possibly Room Class

Lifting Strength: At least Peak Human (Should be stronger than his old self)

Travel Speed: Athletic Human

Combat Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+ | Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Reaction Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+ | Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Stamina: At least Peak Human

Range: Standard Melee

Intelligence: Average

Powers and Abilities

Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Accelerated Development, Acrobatics, Martial Arts, Status Effect Inducement, Resistance to Pain

Weapon Usage, Healing, Poison Manipulation, Statistics Amplification, Resistance to Fire Manipulation

Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Accelerated Development, Acrobatics, Status Effect Inducement, Resistance to Pain

Standard Equipment

None.

Notable Techniques

*Silken Wrist

Ascending Claw
Descending Claw
Side Kick

Flying Axe Kick: Works your leg like a guillotine. Has a low chance of bleeding the enemy.
Dive: A classic evasive maneuver. Can still use items. Prevents most forms of damage, but staggers.
Receding Stance: A disengaging stance, that helps regain focus. Recovers some SP.
Goat Headbutt: Devastating cranial collision. May stun, but low damage against good def.
Disarming Chop: Takes the "edge" off a wily assailant. Disarms an armed opponent.
Goat Kick: A no-nonsense, double back kick. May launch enemy into the air. Costs 70 HP.
Full Thrust: Get your fingers up in their business. Will probably set the opponent Off Balance.
Iron Hoof: A stampede's worth of stompin' power. Crushing damage against fallen enemies!
The Minor Iris: The first supreme technique of the Velvet Style, precise strikes shred through solid defence.
Twisted Stance: Can your joints handle it? Recovers 70 SP. Costs 150 HP or 50HP if already twisted.
The Major Iris: The second most supreme technique. Methodically disassembles the enemies stance.

*Silken Wrist

Ascending Claw

Descending Claw

Side Kick

Flying Axe Kick: Works your leg like a guillotine. Has a low chance of bleeding the enemy.
Goat Kick: A no-nonsense, double back kick. May launch enemy into the air.
The Minor Iris: The first supreme technique of the Velvet Style, precise strikes shred through solid defence.
Trick Kick: A feint attack, that delivers a kick to the groin.
Advancing Stance: A stance that shifts you towards the enemy. Recovers all TP.

Other

Standard Tactics:

Although a bit of a wildcard due to being a RPG character, he utilizes the moves the enhanced Velvet-Fu style entails. His approach to combat is notably far more defensive than it used to be when he was young as evidenced by the fact that he stopped using Advancing Stance and changed it to Receding Stance. To add on, it is also in-character for him to use whatever items would suit him well depending on the situation he finds himself in (for instance, using Man Made Salts to save himself from being oiled up or simply consuming Jerky if he does not have much HP left). If he fights alongside Joel, the duo depend on each other; they complement each other in a variety of ways.

He utilizes the moves the original Velvet-Fu style entails. It is focused entirely around offense and does terribly against reactive fighting styles. If he is fighting against a foes with such a fighting style and is unable to adapt to their style, the frustration stemming of that fact can lead to him resorting to dirtier methods.

Weaknesses:

His body is not as robust as it used to be, causing some of his moves to deal slight damage to him as well. He is particularly vulnerable to fire-based attacks. His Dive does not work against ranged attacks.

He is overconfident and has no real skill in martial arts. The Velvet-Fu style is focused entirely around offense and does terribly against reactive fighting styles - Alex lost to Stan Curien, someone who has been described as a not necessarily well-skilled student of Aikido by WoG in spectacular fashion, being unable to adapt to the latters style - the frustration stemming of that fact determinantly led to him losing his cool and kicking Stan in the groin.

Gallery

Alex as a kid
Alex as a trashman

Battle Records

None.

Joel Miller (LISA: The Pointless)

Canon Pointless

Scholar of the Wilbur Sin

“	Since I... we met, things have been going really good for me.	„
	~ Joel Miller

Background

Joel Miller is the deuteragonist of LISA: The Pointless, first shown residing on the Scorched Cliffs of Garbage Island. For twelve years, he searched the landfill for a bullet that his weapon - a single-shot bolt-action pistol inherited from his grandfather - was chambered for.

Joel finally discovered the rare munition underneath the near-dead Alex Churchland. Joel nursed the dying man back to health, and from there, the two formed a bond. Joel would soon join Alex in his journey to find a better place.

In a world where time makes no sense, Joel has patience to spare. He knows it when he sees it.

Powers and Stats

Tier: 9-B, possibly 9-A, far higher when throwing bottles, even higher with The Bolt Action Pistol

Name: Joel Miller

Origin: LISA: The Pointless

Gender: Male

Age: 40s

Classification: Human, One-shot Wonder

Attack Potency:

Dimensionality: 3-D

Travel Speed: Average Human

Combat Speed: Peak Human, Transonic with his pistol, possibly Supersonic+, higher with his pistol

Reaction Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Lifting Strength: At least Average Human, likely Peak Human

Striking Strength:

Durability:

Stamina:

Range: Standard melee range, extended melee range

Powers and Abilities:

Standard Equipment:

Intelligence: Above Average

Weaknesses: Joel is not a fighter, with his role in-game generally being inflicting Status Effects on enemies; apart from throwing empty bottles, he does not have any in-character moves that are damaging to opponents. Roll Out does not work against ranged attacks.

Notable Attacks/Techniques:

Gallery

Others

Notable Victories: None.

Notable Losses: None.

Inconclusive Matches: None.

Georgy Hernandez

Canon Pointless

Scholar of the Wilbur Sin

“	Alright, there is profit to be made.	„
	~ Georgy Hernandez

Background

Georgy Hernandez is a character appearing in LISA: The Pointless, acting as a temporary party member for protagonists Alex Churchland and Joel Miller in Mystics of Trash and Violence, serving as the boatman for the duo's voyage off Garbage Island. Georgy is first mentioned by Joel in response to Alex seeking a way off Garbage Island, and is encountered in front of his abode with his lover Antuan de Companie, with whom he leaves the charge of his homestead to as he ventures off the island.

A savage man out to make it huge in the world.

Powers and Stats

Tier: 9-B, possibly 9-A, varies depending on joy intake

Name: Georgy Hernandez

Origin: LISA: The Pointless

Sex: Male

Age: Unknown

Classification: Human, Aspiring Businessman

Dimensionality: 3-D

Attack Potency: Wall level, possibly Room level (His Scoop is more powerful than Alex's normal attacks while the latter still was on Garbage Island, should downscale from Downtown Alex)

Durability: Wall level, possibly Room level (Slightly more tanky than GI Alex)

Striking Strength: Wall Class, possibly Room Class

Lifting Strength: Unknown

Travel Speed: Average Human

Combat Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Reaction Speed: Peak Human, possibly Supersonic+

Stamina: Likely Peak Human

Range: Standard melee range

Intelligence: At least Average (He often successfully ventures off Garbage Island even though there are Rag Maggots on the way to his boat. If Alex possesses the Impeccable Gold Brolex, he will discreetly pick-pocket it from him and replace it with his Imitation Gold Watch on his way out of the House Dust coastal inn after leaving the player's party)