Ness, let's be friends again. Please answer me. I promise to be good. ...uh...okay... Hah! I lied! See you, sucker!
„
~ Porky cutting ties with his best and only friend
“
Ness, you're so lucky... I envy you. I have no luck. But, Ness... well, okay...Let's be friends forever, all right?
„
~ Porky in Ness's Magicant
“
Come and get me, loser! Spankety, spankety, spankety!
„
~ Porky's message to Ness at the end of the game
“
Is this really the time for you to be singing a dumb song like that? Hah hah hah hah.
„
~ Porky referencing the Eight Melodies in an unused block of text
“
Heh heh heh heh. You must really be at the end of your rope. In this bizarre dimension, you four are the only force fighting for justice...And here you stand, waiting to be burned up with all the rest of the garbage of this universe...Haaaaah! That's so sad. I can't help but shed a tear. You know, my heart is beating incredibly fast. ...I must be experiencing absolute terror! Do you want to scream for help here in the dark?! Ha ha ha ha ha! Why not call your mommy, Ness! Say, "Mommy! Daddy! I'm so frightened! I think I'm gonna wet my pants!" I know you have telepathy, or something, so just try and call for help, you pathetically weak heroes of so-called justice! No one will help you now! Ha ha ha haah...
„
“
Ness! Now, I...well...it's going to seem like I'm running away. But perhaps I'll just sneak away to another era to think about my next plan. It's a good bet that we'll see each other again... All right! I'll be seeing you! So now which one of us do you think is the cool guy?!
„
~ Porky to Ness after Giygas's defeat
“
*cough* *wheeze* *cough* Come a little closer so I can see your face better... Oh, is that what you look like? I was the one who brought you here. A traveler who journeyed to and from past and future. I'm the most clever, most charming, and most trouble-making boy ever... Master Porky Minch! I welcome you once again, you weak hangers-on pretending to be the last survivors of this world! Spankety, spankety, spankety! Ahahahahaha! *cough* *cough*... *wheeze* *wheeze* You resorted to blanking your memories to create a new world where humanity's past failures would never be repeated... How stupid can you be?! No matter how much you change the rules, no matter how much you refuse to admit defeat, in the end, creatures known as "people" will always sign their own death warrant by acting out of stupidity and evil. And then... mankind will be gone for good. You could've been happy, if only you would've done as I did and obediently, selfish desires of a great hero... *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* Why is it you struggle to cling to life with such puny minds, pitiable bodies, and feeble hearts? Well, no matter. The curtain is about to fall on this pathetic little play of yours. Because, soon, the power of power will be mine. The world and everything in it has been my oyster so far, and now I'll end it all by acquiring the ultimate power. Heheheh heheh. Aha ahahaha ahahahahahaha. *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* Whew... Though everything so far has been fun and games, I've given you many a concession. I was bored out of my mind and wanted to play something more thrilling, you see. But now, since we're face-to-face like this, I won't hold anything back. My slave... My lifeless son will pull the final needle for me. And, the moment he does, the Dragon should awaken and do as I want. At which time, I assume you fools will turn into garbage or dust or something and finally disappear for good. Ahahaha... I'll admit this is kind of sad. But I would be crushed under the weight of boredom if it were any other way. *wheeze* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* *gasp* Do you understand now? Do you understand the sadness Master Porky bears, now that he's godlike? Ahahaha. Aha ahahahaha. *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough*
„
~ Porky upon meeting the main cast
“
Oh! You love your little dramatic plays, so this couldn't have come at a better time for you! It seems that the seventh and final Needle has just been located deep underground, below here. (...) Waha... Waha... Wahahahahaha! I assume you want to pull it too, right, Lucas? Why not and go check it out then? I'm even being fair enough to tell you where it is. That really will make this game all the more fun! But I think I will use my shortcut to give myself a head start, if you don't mind! Ahahahahahahaha! *cough* *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* Bring it on! If you can catch me that is! Here, you can use this elevator all you want! Spankety, spankety, spankety! *wheeze* *gasp*
„
~ Porky when the final needle was found, and before dropping the main cast down into the Cave
“
Stop! Stop! Stop right there~! *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough* This really is no time for games anymore. I don't feel like letting you go any further. If you're after the Needle, then don't worry. My adorable little monster is on its way to it as we speak. *wheeze* *wheeze* *gasp* *gasp* (...) Huh? That monster's name is Claus? It's name was Claus?! That almost sounds like a person's name! But now it's my robot. Not even a fragment of life remains inside it. It's Master Porky's slave robot! It does whatever I say! It acts on my will alone. It's my double. It doesn't know anything about who you are! *cough* *cough*
„
~ Porky before battling the main cast
“
Let me fill you in on something. No matter how much you attack me, I'll never die. Even if I somehow wind up beaten, I'll never die. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
„
“
I've gone through time and space so many times that I haven't aged like a normal person. Who knows, I might be 1000 years old, or even 10,000 years old. But, despite that, I'm still the same kid at heart! Is that funny? It is, isn't it? Does it make you laugh? *cough* *wheeze* Are you laughing at me?!
„
“
If the Dragon wakes up, it might end up destroying everything and extinguishing all life. Even so... Ahaha aha ahahaha ahahahahahaha! *cough* *gasp* *cough* Even so, I'll be alive. Me and the Dragon will be the only things left alive in the whole wide world! I'm more than ready for that possibility! Ahaha ahahahahaha! *cough* *cough* *gasp *wheeze*
„
“
Thank you for playing along with me all the way to the end like this. I'm actually a pretty nice guy, wouldn't you say? Aha ahaha.
„
“
!? ...What did Porky do!?
„
~ Text callback to Giygas
“
With my eternal life, I will see the world through to its end. Until everyone who won't like me is gone.
„
“
I'll never die. I'll never die, nor will I ever be beaten... but it appears my machine has run out of energy for the moment. Ahaha. Lucas... You haven't won, just so you know. I'm going to duck inside this "Absolutely Safe Capsule" for the time being. When I'm inside, no attack will have any effect on me whatsoever. I'm sure you're thinking "Yeah, right. There's no such thing as 'absolutely'..." But there is such a thing... And it's this! The Absolutely Safe Capsule I trick Dr. Andonuts and the Mr. Saturns into making for me! Me! ME! All for me! *cough* *cough*
„
~ Porky before sealing himself into the Absolutely Safe Capsule
“
Inside the Absolutely Safe Capsule, Porky is sticking his out at you. Because Porky is sealed inside the Absolutely Safe Capsule, the battle is, by definition, over.
„
~ The end of the battle against Porky
Background
Porky Minch (Also known as Pokey Minch in Earthbound due to a translation error) is a secondary antagonist of Earthbound/Mother 2, along with being the main antagonist of Mother 3.
Powers and Stats
Tier:Unknown physically. 8-B with his Spider Mech | 10-C physically. 8-B with his Bed Mech.
Age: | Innaplicable (Due to excessive time travel, the concept of age no longer applies to Porky. Porky himself states that he could be thousands or even tens of thousands of years old)
Classification: Ness's Neighbor, Bully, Giygas's right hand man | Tyrant, Manchild, King of New Porky City, Time Traveler
Attack Potency: Unknown physically (Hasn't demonstrated any feats that would put him on the level of the other characters). City Block level with his Spider Mech (Fought against theChosenfour alongside Giygas, but the specifics out who hit who and/or what is unknown and Porky was monologing most of the time) | Below Average Human level physically (Porky is a frail old man-child due to the effects of excessive time travel, becoming unable to properly move on his own, and cannot speak that much without gasping for air). City Block level with his Bed Mech (Should be comparable, if not superior to his Spider Mech. Fought against themaincast at their end game peaks)
Travel Speed:Unknown normally. FTL with his Spider Mech (Fought against the Chosen Four) | Below Average Human level normally (Can hardly move on his own due to insane age). FTL with his Bed Mech (Fought against the main cast)
Durability:Unknown normally, City Block level with his Spider Mech (Can tank hits from the Chosen Four) | City Block level with his Bed Mech (Comparable to before, tanked attacks from Lucas), possibly City Block level otherwise (States that no matter how much Lucas attacks him, he can never die. The Bed Mech seemingly has Porky exposed [and thus tanking the attacks along with the Mech], but some media, such as Super Smash Bros Brawl, potrays the Mech having a glass container that Porky is within). High Multiverse level+ with the Absolutely Safe Capsule (The Absolutely Safe capsule was designed to keep Porky safe from anything outside of it, and specifically made to survive Dark Dragon's reset on reality, which it was successful with)
