This character or verse has mature themes and concepts, thus those of young age are ill-advised to look through these.
“
jeez.
i don't know. i...
i don't know if i'm ready for every single "deep" conversation we can squeeze into this wacky rapid fire session of fun pal-talk!
„
~ John Egbert
Background
John Egbert is the main protagonist of Homestuck. On his 13th birthday, he received a beta copy of Sburb, and decides to play it with three of his friends. Little do they know, the fate of existence relies on their gameplay...
Powers and Stats
Tier:9-A. 6-C with Wind Powers | High 2-B | At least High 2-B physically. Unknown with the Retcon Powers, at least Low 1-C, possibly High 1-B through creating "The Blackout"
Travel Speed:Supersonic+ (Comparable to characters such as Dirk Strider, who scales to characters would can slice a wave of bullets) | Extra-Temporal (Fought evenly against Jack Noir) | Extra-Temporal
Stamina: Very high (Can fight with hordes of enemies for extended periods without getting tired, as well as endure massive amounts of punishment from opponents considerably stronger than himself and quickly get back on his feet) | Limitless | Limitless
Range: Standard melee range, extended melee range with the hammers in his Strife Specibus. Up to tens of kilometers with Windy Powers (Created a windstorm that covered the entire Land of Wind and Shade, which is the size of Rhode Island or Connecticut) | High Multiverse level | High Multiverse level, Low Complex Multiverse level, possibly High Transverse with the Retcon Powers
Standard Equipment: His Sylladex, Pendant, Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers, Rocket Pack, and Strife Specibus
“
You got the POGO HAMMER.
„
~ Narration when John obtains the Pogo Hammer
Pogo Hammer: The first weapon that John alchemizes, the Pogo Hammer is a combination of a simple claw hammer and John's Green Slime Ghost Pogo. By rhythmically bouncing back and forth using it, John can increase his power and speed, and he can use it to traverse gaps by hitting the ground with it hard enough.
“
You make the WRINKLEFUCKER.
„
~ Narration when John makes the Wrinklefucker
Wrinklefucker: The upgraded form of John's Pogo Hammer, this weapon is a combination of the Pogo Hammer and an iron. It is much more controlled and far more powerful than the Pogo Hammer.
“
You make the TELESCOPIC SASSACRUSHER, at pretty considerable expense. This thing could probably pound an ogre into crudeburger. Of course you have no hope of lifting it whatsoever.
„
~ Narration when John makes the Sassacrusher
Telescopic Sassacrusher: A combination of a sledgehammer, the hilariously oversized Sassacre Text, and a telescope. It is far too heavy for base John to lift, so he uses his Remote Ghost Gauntlets to lift it instead.
“
You use the alchemiter's scaling upgrade to reduce it to a more manageable and affordable size. You make a weapon called FEAR NO ANVIL.
„
~ Narration when John makes Fear No Anvil
Fear No Anvil: An extremely powerful weapon which Davesprite stole from Hephaestus. It has limited time stop capabilities; anything that it strikes is temporarily frozen in time.
“
You got the WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO.
„
~ Narration when John makes the Warhammer of Zillyhoo
Warhammer of Zillyhoo: This hammer is one of the seven legendary weapons of Cherubim folklore, and represents its namesake continent.
“
In your hands is a weapon you haven’t thought about in a long time: the Pop-a-matic Vrillyhoo. It hums with both tricksy energy and the barely contained potential for mischief.
„
~ Narration when John uses the this weapon in the Epilogues against Lord English
Pop-a-matic Vrillyhoo Hammer: John's final and most powerful hammer, capable of killing the strongest enemy he has faced directly in combat so far (Barring Bec Noir and possibly Typheus) in a single hit, as well as deal damage to Bec Noir. It was presumably alchemized from the Warhammer of Zillyhoo and Vriska's Fluorite Octet. Whenever it strikes someone, the dice in the popping mechanism are rolled, and something special happens based on the results of the roll. When it was used against Bec Noir, it gave him a Ridiculous Hat.
Intelligence: Above Average. John is by far one of the most creative of the main characters; from the beginning, he shows more innovative prowess in combining objects than everyone else, he demonstrates this even before the introduction of the alchemiter with his poster-nailing and harlequin-funniness-amplifying abilities
Weaknesses: Highly allergic to peanuts, and is excessively naive and gullible, with this flaw having led to his death in an alternate timeline
Key: Base | God-Tier | With the Retcon Powers
Note: Due to the confliction between Homestuck's metafictional nature and some comparisons to objects that are not dimesionally above each other, we cannot determine whether or not the infinite heirarchy of creators are actually a legitimate infinite-dimensional structure, thus we go with "possibly High 1-B"