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Madotsuki

From The Codex

Background

Madotsuki is the playable protagonist of Yume Nikki. She is one of the few characters in the game with an official name.

Like much of the game, Madotsuki's background and life remain a mystery. The only canonical information comes from what is shown in-game, though her dreams are often ambiguous and unsettling, leading to various interpretations of her character.

Her age is never explicitly stated in any official materials, and different interpretations of her age have been presented in official Kadokawa products.

This dropdown contains Different Interpretations from Official Media. Read at your own risk as you may be spoiled otherwise!
Chapter 1: The Beginning of the Dream

The story begins with Madotsuki in her room, reflecting on a recurring dream of a room full of doors beyond her bedroom. She has not ventured far enough to explore what lies beyond. After gathering her courage, Madotsuki decides to return to the Nexus. Upon entering her dream world, she chooses to explore the Number World door, but quickly flees to the peaceful Forest World. As she explores, she encounters a gate that takes her to the Face Carpet Plaza, where a crazed Toriningen chases her. She escapes safely but is shocked when a frog leaps into her mouth, traveling down her throat, causing her to collapse. Upon waking up, she tries to pinch herself to wake up from the dream, but cannot due to the transformation into the Frog effect.

Chapter 2: The Forest World

Madotsuki continues to wander through Forest World, pinching herself in an attempt to wake up. She stumbles upon several Namekuji that wrap themselves around her body, leaking drool and almost engulfing her. She dives for the exit and returns to the Nexus. Her throat swells as the Frog effect dissolves, leaving behind an egg containing the Forest World frog. Madotsuki wakes up and attempts to write about her experiences in her diary, but instead finds a strange message: "collect the effects." Confused, she tries to leave her room, but the door is locked. She decides to play NASU before eventually going back to sleep.

Chapter 3: Effects

Madotsuki realizes that she must collect the effects and returns to the Nexus. She realizes that these effects are hidden in ordinary objects within the dream world. She explores Block World, where she finds the Hat & Scarf effect. After collecting it, she continues her journey into Puddle World, where she discovers the Umbrella effect. In the process, she encounters a large hand that pulls her into the Dense Woods, where she is teleported to Shitai-san. Here, she encounters a jellyfish and reaches out to touch it, transforming into the Stoplight effect. As she continues exploring, she begins to question the vastness of the dream world and whether she can truly collect all the effects.

Chapter 4: Global Search

Madotsuki, now with the Frog effect, continues her journey, eventually finding a disc with an umbrella symbol. Stepping on it, she transforms into the Umbrella effect. She discovers that she can swap effects by stepping on various discs. After learning how to switch effects, Madotsuki returns to normal and decides to visit Snow World, where she equips the Hat & Scarf effect to stay warm. In the snowy world, she encounters a Toriningen and an igloo, before being dragged into the Pink Sea by a large hand. Using the Frog effect, she swims to another island where she finds a balloon that transports her to a larger island. On this island, she meets Poniko.

Chapter 5: Anger

Madotsuki, initially hoping to befriend Poniko, finds herself horrified when Poniko transforms into Uboa. The peaceful room is suddenly filled with chaos as Uboa attacks Madotsuki, stealing her umbrella and beating her with it. After being knocked down, Madotsuki tries to retrieve her effect discs but is once again attacked by Uboa. In anger, she resolves to kill Uboa. She searches for a weapon in the Nexus, eventually finding the Knife effect. Upon returning to the Nexus, Madotsuki is overwhelmed with confusion as the ink from her pen begins to spill onto the diary, the words "Help me stop her from waking" appearing in the pages.

Chapter 6: Confusion

The ink from the dream diary continues to bubble and morph into Seccom Masada-sensei, who enters the dream world to find Madotsuki. After traveling through the Nexus, Masada discovers the world in disarray and learns that Madotsuki is responsible for the chaos. He seeks out Madotsuki, hoping to stop her. Eventually, Masada confronts Madotsuki, who is slowly transforming into another Uboa. Realizing that this is likely the result of Poniko, Masada tries to control the situation, but the dream world continues to collapse around them.

Chapter 7: Mood Change

Mars-san, overseeing the dream world, announces that the system is failing due to the collapse. In the Nexus, Poniko, using the stolen effects, manipulates the environment to her advantage. Meanwhile, Madotsuki continues her violent spree, killing dream world inhabitants like the Nopperabou Witches. Eventually, Masada is confronted by Poniko, who reveals her plan to escape the dream world. As the collapse continues, the dream world’s denizens deem Madotsuki a dream destroyer.

Chapter 8: Give and Take

In Madotsuki’s Room, Madotsuki reencounters a message in her diary and responds by writing that she prefers to continue cutting. Her response causes a disturbance, with Mars-san questioning her reaction. Madotsuki, unfazed, spins in her chair and writes again in her diary, asking where the exit to her room is. When Mars-san does not reply, she returns to sleep and finds herself in a ruined Nexus, now filled with various dream world entities.

Madotsuki, undeterred, begins to stab the Wheelies to satisfy her violent urges. However, she is caught by a Toriningen, which sends her to Hell. She simply wakes up, returns to sleep, and re-enters the Nexus, continuing her killing spree.

Despite the chaos surrounding her, Madotsuki remains focused on her actions, navigating the dream world as her violence and desire for destruction continue unabated.

Chapter 9: Entertainer
Madotsuki lies asleep in her bed as the dream world around her continues. However, things take a strange turn when a large, goopy monster resembling a Henkei Shita emerges from Madotsuki's chest, being her pure evil, intent on consuming the dream world. The creature retains memories of Madotsuki, especially the memory of Poniko, who had previously interacted with her as Uboa. The creature attacks Poniko, consuming her as part of its rampage.

As the dream world collapses, Madotsuki remains unaware of the chaos unfolding around her. She is abruptly awakened from her dream to find Masada's head in her room. Startled, she questions the situation, but Masada reassures her that she is still dreaming. He tells her something significant has happened outside.

Madotsuki steps outside onto the balcony and finds a set of stairs leading beyond the railing. The stairs, a clear signal of her journey's conclusion, beckon her to step forward. Ready to leave the dream world behind, she ascends the stairs, marking the end of her dream.

Name Meaning

Madotsuki's name is found right on the pause screen, making it one of the few official names in Yume Nikki[1]. The name "Madotsuki" translates to "windowed," referring to having a window like one in a house. It is displayed as the protagonist's name in the game menu and is one of the two instances of kanji used in the game. The only other use of kanji is the message that appears when Madotsuki sits in her desk chair within the dream world.

"Madotsuki" is not typically used as a name in Japan and may not represent the character's actual name. Instead, it could serve as a metaphor, symbolizing the character as a "window" through which the player observes the game's dream world. Additionally, it could reflect the game's theme of isolation, emphasizing a lack of personal identity by giving the protagonist a functional rather than personal name.

Interestingly, when the name "Madotsuki" is reversed in Kunrei-shiki romanization as "Madotuki," it spells "Ikutodam." This resembles the Japanese phrase "行くと駄目" or "行くとダメ" (iku to dame), meaning "it is useless to go" or "going is futile." While this may be coincidental, it aligns with Madotsuki's refusal to leave her room in the "real world", representing her preference for the vast and imaginative world of her dreams.

Personality

Little is known about Madotsuki, requiring gathering clues throughout the game to get some ideas.

  • Emotionally Complex: Madotsuki's dream world reflects the broad spectrum of her emotions, ranging from moments of joy and curiosity to deep fear and discomfort. While cheerful effects like Neon and the Witch's Flight suggest a playful and childlike side, unsettling experiences like the Severed Head effect and the Uboa event imply darker thoughts or memories. These emotional extremes reveal a psyche struggling to process trauma or inner conflict.
  • Shut-In: Madotsuki refuses to leave her room, where attempting to do so will have her shake her head[2]. She will only ever exit the door in the Dream World[3]. Her only form of exploration is through her dreams, where she navigates surreal landscapes. This withdrawal from society could suggest severe social anxiety, depression, or past trauma that has left her unable to face the outside world. Though interpretations like the manga instead make the assumption that she is trapped in her room and cannot escape, this could also be seen as another metaphorical ideology of her hikikomori lifestyle.
  • Lucid Dreamer: Despite the strange and often frightening nature of her dreams, Madotsuki maintains a remarkable level of awareness and control. Her ability to collect and manipulate effects, as well as her capacity to wake herself up by pinching her cheek, indicates her proficiency as a lucid dreamer. Through this control, she may be seeking to understand or resolve her inner turmoil.
  • Emotionally Resilient: Confronted with nightmarish figures and unsettling environments, Madotsuki rarely shows hesitation in exploring her subconscious. Even when faced with disturbing imagery, she continues to navigate her dreams with determination. This resilience suggests an unconscious desire to confront and process her fears. The manga interpretation even showcases her being mostly unphased by seeing a corpse.
  • Imaginative and Curious: The vivid and often bizarre nature of Madotsuki's dream world is a testament to her creative mind. From abstract, nonsensical creatures to dreamscapes filled with intricate symbolism, her subconscious is brimming with imagination. Her curiosity drives her to explore these realms, perhaps in search of meaning or escape. Though the manga interpretation instead has the dream world as a collective unconscious of different girls dreams merged into one.

Appearance

  • Looks:

Madotsuki keeps her eyes closed at all times, giving her a detached or introspective expression. Due to this we are not fully aware of her eye color, except for when she opens her eyes with the cat effect and they are red. She has red-brown hair styled into twintails, secured with small hair ties. Her facial features are simple yet expressive, with a neutral mouth and a small nose.

  • Regular Clothes:

She wears a bright red, long-sleeved jacket that contrasts with her darker burgundy skirt. The skirt falls just above her knees, and she is usually depicted wearing red shoes with white socks. Her outfit has a minimalistic yet distinct design, making her recognizable despite the game's simplistic art style.

  • Special Clothes:

The most notable feature of her clothing is the design on her shirt, which features a symbol resembling the CJK character 囧. This symbol can mean "window," aligning with the meaning of her name, or "clear," which could hint at her personality or state of mind. It is also widely recognized as an emoticon expressing sadness or shock, which may reflect the surreal and sometimes unsettling nature of her dreams.

Additionally, her shirt design closely resembles the emblem of the Japanese Tsuchiya clan, which could suggest a historical or cultural connection. It also bears similarities to the geometric patterns seen on Incan military tunics, potentially linking her imagery to indigenous or ancient influences. This detail, combined with the strange and symbolic elements present in her dreams, adds to the mysterious nature of her character and the world she explores.

Relationships

Poniko

From the game
Poniko's relationship with Madotsuki varies greatly on interpretation, in the base game, going off scene alone there is not much to gather from both of their relationship as Poniko just seems to be another NPC.

From the Manga Interpretation
Madotsuki initially admires Poniko upon their first encounter, expressing curiosity about whether Poniko will become her friend and complimenting her appearance. This admiration quickly turns to fear and resentment when Poniko transforms into Uboa and relentlessly attacks her. By attacking Madotsuki, stealing her effects, and trapping her in a nightmarish state, Poniko cements herself as a threatening and malicious figure in Madotsuki's mind.

As the story progresses, their relationship becomes even more complex. After using Madotsuki's stolen powers to attack Seccom Masada-sensei, Poniko is tasked with exterminating Madotsuki. However, instead of following through with this violent act, she chooses a different path. By destroying Madotsuki's dream diary, Poniko sacrifices the dream world to free both herself and Madotsuki from their destructive cycle. She notes to do this because she doesn't "want to be leave the dream world as a 'good girl'".

Despite this act, Madotsuki’s lingering hatred manifests in the form of a monstrous figure that ultimately consumes Poniko.

From the Novel Interpretation
Initially, Poniko serves as the narrator of Madotsuki's journey through the dream world, acting as an observer and guide to her progress. However, once Poniko encounters Madotsuki, the focus shifts from Madotsuki's journey to Poniko's own quest for understanding. Poniko becomes determined to uncover the reason for her presence in Madotsuki's dream and seeks a way to escape. As the story unfolds, it is revealed that Madotsuki is not the dreamer but rather another dream character within Poniko’s own subconscious mind. Madotsuki exists as Poniko's shadow, representing the manifestation of Poniko's unborn child, an embodiment of her maternal fears and anxieties. The true nature of the real world is never explicitly shown, but it becomes clear that Poniko's concern for the safety of her child created the dream world as a form of mental escape. This revelation adds depth to their relationship, as it is not just a matter of Poniko trying to help Madotsuki, but rather Poniko trying to overcome her own fears and trauma associated with the unknown future of her child.

General Information

Name: Madotsuki[13]

Origin: Yume Nikki

First Appearance: Yume Nikki

Company: Kadokawa Game Studio

Creator: Kikiyama

Sex: Female[14]

Sexuality: Unknown

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: Unknown, most likely Adolescent to Young Adult (Madotsuki's age is never directly stated or known, though there are some hints across each media that heavily support her being from an Adolescent to Young Adult in age, please read the misconceptions section for more info), potentially not born in the Light Novel Interpretation (The Light Novel takes a different interpretation where Poniko is interprets that she is the dreamer in this take instead of Madotsuki, constantly trying to chase after and talk to Madotsuki[15]. Poniko interprets this as Madotsuki was her child that she had a miscarriage with[16]. At the end of the novel Poniko furthers the assumption that in a way the newborn and her are sharing the same dream somehow and she has been keeping her locked away within this dream and is finally ready to embrace her[17])

Time Period: Unknown, likely early 2000s (As the game was made in 2004, and many locales in the dream world are more modern for the early 2000s)

Timeline: Main Timeline

Homeworld: Earth

Residence: An Apartment in Japan

Story Role: Main Protagonist, The Dreamer

Legacy: Unknown Legacy (Not much is known about Madotsuki's regular life, though it's likely that she is not known as she is a shut-in)

Influence: Unknown Influence

Language: Likely Japanese

Ethnicity: Asian (Seems to be in a region of Japan)

Religion: Unknown

Classification: Dreamer, Hikkikomori (Shut-In)

Species: Human (With different effects, she bcomes: Yuki-onna, Cat-Human Hybrid, Frog, Medamaude, Nopperabou, &Demon)

State of Being: Regular in most interpretations, potentially Dream Construct in the light novel interpretation (The Light Novel takes a different interpretation where Poniko is interprets that she is the dreamer in this take instead of Madotsuki, constantly trying to chase after and talk to Madotsuki[18]. Poniko interprets this as Madotsuki was her child that she had a miscarriage with[19]. At the end of the novel Poniko furthers the assumption that in a way the newborn and her are sharing the same dream somehow and she has been keeping her locked away within this dream and is finally ready to embrace her[20])

Physiology: Humanoid Physiology (With different effects, her physiologies change to: Yuki-onna Physiology (With Yuki-onna[21]), Cat-Human Hybrid Physiology (With cat effect[22]), Frog Physiology (With frog effect[23]), Inorganic Physiology (With neon lights effect[24], lamp effect[25], stoplight effect[26]), Medamaude Physiology (With Medamaude Effect[27]), Nopperabou Physiology (With nopperabou effect[28]), Witch Physiology (With witch effect[29]), & Demon Physiology (With Demon Effect[30]))

In-Universe Creator: Unknown

Occupation: None

Affiliations: Poniko (In the light novel interpretation)

Enemies: Poniko (In the manga interpretation)

Height: Unknown

Weight: Unknown

Status: Unknown (Though it looks like Madotsuki commits suicide in the ending of the game, there are a lot of cases pointing towards even the "real world" being merely a dream world rather than the actual real world, one of the main things being that in the ending, stairs suddenly appear[31] that were not present in the balcony back at the beginning of the game[32]. In this case, the ending could be taken as an interpretation of Madotsuki trying to truly wake up from her sleep, media such as the manga and -Dream Diary- further supports this with its ending, where Madotsuki wakes in the "real" real world and finally leaves her room[33])

Alignment: True Neutral (Madotsuki has no moral obligations within the dream world, being kind to other NPCs or outright killing them based on the player's input. While her actual alignment is technically not known, her actions within the dream world are likely reflective of Madotsuki as a person. In the manga, the one time she wishes to use the knife is after Uboa attacks her and takes all her effects away from her[34], She also later goes to stab all of the denizens of the dream world to try and escape the dream world[35][36][37][38][39][40]), Chaotic Evil as the Dream Destroyer (Within Madotsuki is all of the inner evil within her, being just pure evil, being described as "evil beyond any reasoning"[41])

Threat Level: Mental Threat in the Manga Interpretation (In the manga, Madotsuki greatly shifted and destroyed the entire dream world[42][43]. Within Madotsuki is all of the inner evil within her, being just pure evil, being described as "evil beyond any reasoning"[44], where it was noted that it would consume everything in the dream world[45][46], this included the other dreamers[47])

Codex Statistics

Tabber Information

  • "Real World": This tabber covers Madotsuki while she's in the "Real World", where she is "awake".
  • Dream World: This key covers Madotsuki in the dream world. This falls under the Pseudo-Tiering System and these stats do not replicate what she can do outside of this dream.
Grade: C

Tier: 10-B

Cardinality: Finite

Dimensionality: 3-D

Power Source: None

Attack Potency: Average Human level (Physically a young woman that potentially rarely leaves her room)

Durability: Average Human level. Her Immortality makes her very difficult to kill (As even the "Real World" may be a dream the same instance applies in the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, where it is noted that things that normally would have killed her does nothing to her in the dream world as it is merely a dream[48])

Striking Strength: Average Human Class

Lifting Strength: Average Human Class

Travel Speed: Regular Human Speed

Attack Speed: Regular Human Speed

Reaction Speed: Regular Human Reactions

Stamina: Average

Range: Standard Melee

Intelligence: Unknown Intelligence (Madotsuki seems to have a great array of imagination within her dream world, though her overall knowledge and intelligence are never explicitly known)

Knowledge: Unknown level


Powers and Techniques

Human Achievements (Madotsuki showcases her ability to play instruments such as the flute[63]. In YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- she can play a brief duet with Seccom Masada-sensei[64]. Madotsuki is shown in -Dream Diary- to be a talented artist, drawing majority of the characters she has met in her dreams[65]), Vehicular Usage (Land Vehicles; Madotsuki is able to ride around on her bicycle around the dream worlds[66]), Weapon Usage (Knife Usage; Madotsuki is shown in her dreams to be proficient with her knife effect[67]), Stealth Mastery (In YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- she displays the capabilities of hiding from search lights and getting past them, even while being chased after[68]. She also displayed capabilities of hiding from the light of a lighthouse[69]), Enhanced Senses (Madotsuki is able to perfectly navigate areas even while her eyes are closed[70], it is also shown in the manga that her eyes are closed while she traverses around, along with being able to tell the exact location of the doors and which door is which while even being able to point at it[71]. Even the light novel describes Madotsuki as always having her eyes closed as if she's sleeping[72]), Psychological Resilience (In the manga, Madotsuki is relatively unphased by seeing a corpse, being more concerned with how she's going to be able to collect all the effects[73]), Lucid Dreaming (Brings the dream world into existence upon sleeping, where she is fully aware and can control the actions she does in her dreams, no matter how many times she goes to sleep in them[74]. This is further supported by the manga where she can perfectly remember her dreams, how many worlds there are, and the locations[75]), Possible Immortality (Dream Immortality; It is heavily likely that Madotsuki is still in the dream even in the "Real World", stairs suddenly appear[76] that were not present in the balcony back at the beginning of the game[77]).



Resistance to Instant Death (Madotsuki is unaffected by Poniko's Uboa Mask, which is the Mask of Fear[78]. Where Madotsuki can use the Mask of Fear to kill enemies nearby attempting to attack her[79]), Fear Manipulation & Perception Manipulation (Madotsuki is unaffected by Poniko's Uboa Mask, which is the Mask of Fear[80]. Where the Mask of Fear can send fear into targets just from wearing it, causing a massive distortion in the area[81])

Equipment

Effects

Effects are the main source of items in Yume Nikki, in the novel, Poniko names them these as they are items in the dreams that leave an impression on the dreamer, dripping with significance and essentially leaving an "Effect" on them[150], effects naturally reverse causality and circumvent logic as well[151][152].

Frog (かえる)

Transform into a frog.

Appearance: Madotsuki morphs into a humanoid frog, taking on a hunched posture, moving in a distinct, amphibious manner.

Passive Effect: Madotsuki walks at a normal pace through water, making aquatic areas easier to navigate.

Action: (1) Madotsuki hops in place like a frog, giving a lively and playful vibe to her movements.

Location: Found in Forest World or Dense Woods B (Frog Path) by interacting with the Frog.

Practical Uses: - Speed up travel across the Pink Sea and Uboa's Trap. - Can also be replaced by the Bicycle, though the frog form gives a more natural feel when moving through water.


Umbrella (かさ)

Use an umbrella.

Appearance: Madotsuki holds a vibrant red umbrella, adding a splash of color to her otherwise muted world.

Passive Effect: The umbrella creates a constant rainstorm until unequipped, accompanied by thunder and lightning when the Demon effect is activated.

Action: (1) Madotsuki spins the umbrella gracefully, a fun and soothing action that matches the calming sound of rain.

Location: Pick it up from the ground in Puddle World.

Practical Uses: - Can be used to douse the flames in the Blazing Corridor, similar to the Yuki-onna effect. - Stop the rain in Dense Woods A by equipping and unequipping.


Hat and Scarf / Hat & Scarf(ぼうしとマフラー)

Wear a hat and scarf.

Appearance: Madotsuki dons a cozy hat and scarf, giving her an adorable snowman-like look when transformed.

Passive Effect: In snowman form, Madotsuki cannot pinch herself awake due to a lack of arms, and her movement is halved.

Action: (1) Transforms into a snowman when the weather turns snowy, adding a fun and thematic element to the environment.

Location: Find it in Block World - Pick it up from the ground.

Practical Uses: - While in snowman form, interacting with Mafurako ensures a quick teleport back to her side, saving time on exploration. - In the Blazing Corridor, standing too close to fire will melt Madotsuki, immobilizing her and creating an interesting dynamic.


Yuki-onna / Snow Woman (ゆきおんな)

Become a Snow Woman.

Appearance: Madotsuki transforms into a mystical Yuki-onna, embodying the spirit of snow and cold.

Passive Effect: Snow falls continuously while this effect is active, which also turns the Hat & Scarf effect into the snowman form.

Action: None.

Location: Find it in Snow World by interacting with the Yuki-onna.

Practical Uses: - Use it to extinguish the fire in the Blazing Corridor, similar to the Umbrella. - Can stop the snow in Snow World when the effect is equipped and unequipped.


Knife / Kitchen Knife(ほうちょう)

Equip a kitchen knife.

Appearance: Madotsuki wields a sharp kitchen knife, creating a sense of danger and intrigue.

Passive Effect: Mobile NPCs flee in terror, while stationary characters exhibit rapid movements, as if in panic.

Action:

  • (1) Madotsuki switches the knife between her hands.
  • (Z) Madotsuki stabs with the knife, causing various reactions in characters, such as:
    • Toriningen: Turns into a 'lunatic' form and starts chasing Madotsuki.
    • Mars-san: Eye color changes, small wound on its foot.
    • Onsen-san: Stops drinking water and changes color.
    • Pain Blob: Reveals its face.
    • The Eye Box: 1 in 30 chance of taking you to the Eye People section.
    • Henkei Shita: 1 in 256 chance of transporting Madotsuki to Footprint Path A.

Location: Found in Dark World - Pick it up from the ground.

Practical Uses: - Use it for killing or wounding NPCs. - Scare NPCs to clear the way. - Interact with environmental objects. - Collect money by eliminating NPCs. - Unlock new areas or access hidden paths. - Useful for clearing out the Stabbing Room.

The Stabbing Room, a room easily navigated with the Knife.

Medamaude / Eye Palm (めだまうで)

Become Medamaude / Warp into an Eye Palm.

Appearance: Madotsuki's head becomes a giant hand with an eye in its palm.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki closes her palm and teleports to the center of the Nexus.

Location: Eyeball World - Interact with Medamaude.

Practical Uses: Can be used to teleport back to the Nexus quickly and escape from traps (such as being caught by a Toriningen or Uboa) without having to pinch yourself awake.

Notes: When Madotsuki pinches herself, you can notice a little teardrop.


Fat / Fatten(ふとる)

Get fat / Balloon in size.

Appearance: Madotsuki becomes fatter.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki's belly rumbles and an emote appears.

Location: The Docks B - Interact with Strober.

Practical Uses: None.


Midget (こびと)

Maximum number of Madotsuki midgets

Become small / Shrink in size.

Appearance: Madotsuki becomes very small.

Passive Effect: Madotsuki can fit through certain small entrances.

Action:

  • (1) Madotsuki produces another midget which walks in sync with her. She can produce up to 7 midgets at once.
  • (3) One of the cloned midgets will scream and burst in a small spray of blood.

Location: Candle World - Catch and interact with the Dwarf.

Practical Uses:

  • Getting in and out of the Stairwell on Mars.
  • Getting into Sewer Tunnel C from Sewer Tunnel B.
  • Viewing Closet Madotsuki, as Madotsuki's normal height blocks the view.

Whistle / Flute (ふえ)

Play a flute / Brandish a flute.

Appearance: Madotsuki holds a flute to her lips.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki plays a short tune. There are a few different tunes that Madotsuki randomly plays.

Location: The Music Room in the Mall - Pick it up off the floor.

Practical Uses: None.


Neon (ネオン)

Become a neon light / Glow like a neon sign.

Appearance: Madotsuki glows like a neon sign.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Causes the screen to change color as if bathed in a neon light. The effect wears off when the effect is unequipped. Pressing the 1 button again causes the screen to cycle randomly between shades of red, blue, yellow, and violet.

Location: Neon World - Interact with the Neon Parrot.

Practical Uses: None.


Nopperabou / Faceless Ghost (のっぺらぼう)

Become the faceless ghost / Materialize as a faceless ghost.

Appearance: Madotsuki becomes a Noppera-bō.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki's head jumps off her shoulders and spins around.

Location: Sewage Processing Plant B in The Sewers - Interact with the Nopperabou Ghost.

Practical Uses: None.


Talking Head / Severed Head (なまくび)

Become a severed head / Be reduced to a severed head.

Appearance: Madotsuki becomes a severed head.

Passive Effect: Madotsuki's height and speed decrease. She also cannot pinch herself awake due to her lack of arms.

Action: None.

Location: Guillotine World - Interact with the Guillotine.

Practical Uses: Allows Madotsuki to see Closet Madotsuki, as her normal height blocks the view.


Towel (タオル)

Wrap up in a towel / Wrap yourself in a towel.

Appearance: Madotsuki has a towel wrapped around her.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki sneezes.

Location: The Infinite Wilderness - Interact with Ittan-momen.

Practical Uses: None.


Cat (ねこ)

Cat Madotsuki meowing, revealing her red eyes.

Grow ears and a tail / Sprout cat-ears and a tail.

Appearance: Madotsuki grows cat ears and a tail.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki faces the camera and meows like a cat, with large red eyes. She paws the air with her right hand and holds a koban coin in her left, resembling a Maneki-neko.

Location: Shield-Folk World - Interact with Nekoin.

Practical Uses:

  • Drawing NPCs toward you - Can be used to move NPCs that block your way or to find NPCs hidden in the area.
  • Provoking a reaction from certain NPCs and the environment.
  • Summons UFOs at the top of Mars.

Notes: In most cases, this allows you to move characters out of your way without using the Knife Effect to kill them. This may be in tune with the Maneki-neko being loosely associated with Guanyin, who is revered in Japan as Kannon (観音), the goddess of mercy and compassion. Maneki-neko with their left paw raised are also said to bring in people or customers, thus why it attracts certain NPCs.


Lamp (でんとう)

Become a lamp / Change into a lamp.

Appearance: Madotsuki's head transforms into a lamp.

Passive Effect: When the light is on, dark areas light up, improving visibility.

Action: (1) Switches the light on and off.

Location: Lamp World - Interact with the Walking Lamp.

Practical Uses:

  • Can be used to navigate Dark World, the Dark Woods, and the FC Dungeon more easily, though it is not required to get through them.
  • Can be used to light up the inside of the hot spring house in the Wilderness.
  • In previous versions, it was needed to light up the deeper part of FC World B where Buyo Buyo was found.

Bicycle (じてんしゃ)

Ride a bicycle / Mount a bicycle.

Appearance: Madotsuki rides a bicycle.

Passive Effect: Madotsuki's speed is doubled.

Action: (1) Madotsuki rings the bicycle's bell.

Location: Graffiti World - Pick it up off the floor.

Practical Uses: Can be used to travel through the dream world much faster than by walking, catch fast-moving characters, and escape from lunatic Toriningen.


Long Hair (ロングヘアー)

Grow long hair / Grow long hair.

Appearance: Madotsuki's hair becomes longer.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki sits down (same as default).

Location: Mural World - Interact with the long-haired Mouth Monster.

Practical Uses: None.


Poop Hair / Poo Hair (ウンコヘアー)

Grow a poo-shaped hairdo.

Appearance: Madotsuki's head gets a big poop on it.

Passive Effect: None.

Action: (1) Madotsuki grows a turd on her head.

Location: Egg World - Interact with Poo_Party.

Practical Uses: None.


Blonde Hair / Blonde (ブロンド)

Grow long, golden hair / Glow long blonde hair.

Appearance: Madotsuki's hair becomes long and blonde.

Passive Effect: None.

Action:

  • (1) Madotsuki sits down (same as default).

Location:

  • Mural World – Interact with the blond-haired Mouth Monster.

Practical Uses: None.


Triangle Kerchief / Spirit Headband (ずきん)

Wear triangle kerchief / Put on a Spirit Headband.

Appearance: Madotsuki wears a triangle kerchief as a tiara, symbolizing death in Japanese culture.

Passive Effect:

  • In 'ghost form,' Madotsuki is invisible to NPCs.

Action:

  • (1) Transforms into an 'invisible' ghost, becoming translucent.

(Older versions: The 1 key gradually decreased visibility, while the 3 key increased it.)

Location:

  • Ghost World – Catch and interact with Fleebie.

Practical Uses:

  • In ghost form, lunatic Toriningen cannot see Madotsuki unless she interacts with them.

Witch (まじょ)

Become a witch / Become a witch incarnate.

Appearance: Madotsuki dons a witch outfit, including a pointed hat and robe.

Passive Effect:

  • While flying, footsteps are muted on most surfaces.

Action:

  • (1) Madotsuki mounts a broom, hovering slightly above the ground.

Location:

  • Witch's Island – Interact with Kimajo.

Practical Uses:

  • Can fly off the rooftop of the Mall.
  • Pressing Z returns to the rooftop.
  • Pressing 1 dismounts the broom midair, causing Madotsuki to fall out of bed and wake up.

Demon / Oni (おに)

Become a demon / Reconstitute as an oni.

Appearance: Madotsuki’s skin turns red, she gains horns, and wears animal skin.

Passive Effect: None.

Action:

  • (1) When it’s raining, produces a thunderclap with lightning.
  • In snow, only the thunder sound is heard.

Location:

  • FC Basement – Interact with the FC Demon.

Practical Uses:

  • Summons the Demon in the Pyramids area of FC World B.
  • Without this effect, summoning is normally a 1 in 8 chance.

Buyo Buyo / Squish-Squish (ぶよぶよ)

Body becomes soft and squishy / Change into a squishy blob.

Appearance: Madotsuki wobbles like jelly while walking.

Passive Effect: None.

Action:

  • (1) Wobbles up and down.

Location:

  • FC World B – Interact with Buyo Buyo.

Practical Uses: None.


Stoplight / Traffic Light (しんごう)

Become a stoplight / Change into a traffic light.

Appearance: Madotsuki transforms into a stoplight.

Passive Effect:

  • Cannot pinch herself awake due to lack of arms.

Action:

  • (1) Switches stoplight between green (go) and red (stop).

Location:

  • Dense Woods B (The Road) – Interact with Shitai-san.

Practical Uses: When the light is red:

  • All NPCs freeze, useful for avoiding Toriningen or catching fast-moving characters.
  • Some NPC appearances change:
    • Monoko: Transforms into her five-armed state. Unlocks her full-screen event upon interaction.
    • Mafurako: Becomes fully visible.
    • Steve 'Leif' Kareha: Closes his eyes.
    • Wheelies: Changes appearance.
    • The Thing with the Quivering Jaw: Its jaw stops quivering.
    • KyuuKyuu-kun: Stops rubbing the stairway baluster.

Instructions / Tutorial (ゲームのせつめい)

See the instructions again / Review the game's tutorial.

Appearance: None.

Passive Effect: None.

Action:

  • (Equip) Displays a basic tutorial on how to play.

Location:

  • Madotsuki starts with this effect.

Practical Uses:

  • Provides guidance on game mechanics.

Practical Uses: Learning how the game works


Notable Techniques

Pinch

Madotsuki pinches her cheek, causing her to wake up and exit the dream world. This allows her to get out of situations where she's trapped or leave an area faster.

Stab

Madotsuki stabs the target with her knife, causing them to fade from existence.


Other

Standard Tactics

  • Traversal: Madotsuki will normally use the effect best suited for the traversal in the area. Due to her ability to traverse non-linear spatial areas and looping rooms, she has much experience in traversal. In games like -Dream Diary- her umbrella allows for far more smooth traversal as it can help her glide around enables the ability to double jump.
  • Combat: Madotsuki can normally use specific effects for combat. She can use the Yuki-onna for freezing, the Mask of Fear to inflict instant death or fear onto an opponent, the traffic light to stop someone from moving entirely, and her knife effect for direct stabbing.

Weaknesses

Note

  • As Madotsuki has minor abilities in the "real world", the abilities listed are split between the "real world" and the ones that she can use in the dream world.
  • As Yume Nikki is a dream world none of these abilities apply to any form of combat outside of the dream, they are more used as methods for Madotsuki to explore around her different dreams and we index them as such.
  • "Real World" is put in quotations as there are a lot of cases in most interpretations and media for the real world being another dream layer. In the "Real World", stairs suddenly appear[157] that were not present in the balcony back at the beginning of the game[158], Madotsuki's money and health transfers from the dream world into the "Real World" in Yume Nikki. Along with this, original Yume Nikki and -Dream Diary- both show that it is entirely possible to sleep in the dream and go into a new world[159].
  • While a large amount of characters names from Yume Nikki are fanon names as they have no official names, we shall use the fan names on their pages as they are already ingrained and well known enough in the community along with them not having an actual official name in the first place. For example, characters such as Poniko and Uboa.

Gallery

Trivia

Cat Madotsuki opening her eyes.
  • The only time she is seen with her eyes open are when she uses the Cat effect, revealing them to be red. However, many have speculated that this is just a result of the effect, rather than their natural color.
  • When the player attempts to perform an action without certain conditions (such as using the Demon effect without any rain), Madotsuki will make one of two small noises indicating she is unable to perform the action. These noises appear to be the phrases "dame" (ダメ) and "muri" (ムリ), which translate into "no good" and "it's impossible", respectively. This is the only instance of her audibly speaking words/phrases in the game.
A figure resembling Madotsuki on a Paracas poncho.
  • An image of a human figure that somewhat resembles Madotsuki has been found on a very ancient Paracas poncho, which is interesting considering the many examples of mesoamerican imagery found throughout the game. A full scan of the poncho here and some info here.
  • A picture book released in 1993 titled REX Yume Nikki (part of Kadokawa's REX series) features a girl who somewhat resembles Madotsuki on its cover. Interestingly, Kadokawa is the company that made RPG Maker, the engine that was used to make the game.
REX Yume Nikki
  • Madotsuki's shirt design resembles a simplified version of the CJK character 囧. This character can mean "to shine", or "window" matching the theme of Madotsuki's name. It can also be used as an emoticon expressing sadness or shock. In Japanese, the Kanji means 'clear' or 'bright', which could be a small indicator for her personality.
    • In addition, her shirt design resembles the emblem of the Japanese Tsuchiya clan, or that of Incan military tunics, which could tie in with the Native American imagery often seen in the game.





Different Themes Gathered from the Dream World

This segment gathers the various themes represented in Madotsuki's mind through the different dream worlds, many of these are "canon" as they are gathering segments from the games world, thus they are a theme of Yume Nikki.

Isolation

Madotsuki's isolation is a central theme throughout the game, starting with her confinement to her apartment. Throughout the course of the game, Madotsuki is never shown leaving the safety of her apartment, providing a sense of confinement. There are subtle markers in the game that indicate the passage of time, such as her visits to the balcony, where the changing sky reveals that night has passed and day has arrived. This signifies the slow passage of time, but also her inability to engage with it. When interacting with the door in the real world, Madotsuki shakes her head in refusal, reinforcing the idea that leaving the room is not an option.

In contrast, within her dream world, the door in the real world transforms into an opportunity for escape. The dream realm allows Madotsuki to venture beyond the confines of her apartment, through doors that resemble the one in her apartment, opening up new areas of exploration. Through these portals in the Nexus, Madotsuki can access various dream locations, further emphasizing the escape from isolation, but only within the confines of her dreams.

The feeling of isolation and loneliness persists throughout the dream world. The world is eerily quiet, with no dialogue or significant interaction with NPCs. Most NPCs ignore Madotsuki completely, creating a sense of emptiness. There are, however, a few exceptions: certain NPCs will acknowledge her presence, but they seem distant or disinterested, further emphasizing the solitary nature of her existence. For instance, the shoppers in the Mall, when approached, will flee from Madotsuki and become deformed, making a strange, unsettling noise as they disappear. This interaction further solidifies the sense of isolation, as even the few interactions that occur are abnormal and unfriendly.

The locations themselves often feel vast, empty, and unwelcoming. These locations are not only large but also repetitive, looping back on themselves in a way that fosters a sense of disorientation and solitude. Particularly near The Nexus, these locations often lack distinctive features, adding to their sense of abandonment and emptiness. The soundtrack further contributes to the isolation, as it consists of shorter, repetitive tracks that add to the feeling of time slipping away. Unlike longer compositions in other games that mark the passage of time, the shorter pieces in Madotsuki's dream world create a sense of timelessness, as if time is irrelevant or lost altogether.

Toriningenparty

Three girls having fun.

Throughout her journey, Madotsuki encounters mysterious and towering creatures referred to as Toriningen by fans. These creatures are generally considered to be enemies due to their hostile behavior when in a "lunatic" state. When Madotsuki encounters these creatures in this state, they trap her in areas from which escape is impossible, further emphasizing her sense of powerlessness. Unlike other NPCs that appear in isolation or in smaller groups, the Toriningen have a distinct group dynamic that sets them apart. This dynamic is different from other NPC groups, such as the Wheelies, who appear individually rather than as a cohesive unit.

The most notable instance of this group dynamic is the Toriningen Party:

  • A group of Toriningen can be seen in the Wilderness, gathered together and enjoying a picnic. They dance to lively, cheerful music, an odd contrast to their typically hostile nature.
  • This scene cannot be accessed by Madotsuki, as the plants in the Wilderness obstruct her path and prevent her from getting closer.
  • It's particularly striking that these seemingly menacing enemies are presented as a united group, engaged in a joyful activity, while Madotsuki remains a solitary figure, unable to join or even approach them.

This encounter highlights a stark contrast: the Toriningen, often seen as enemies, are portrayed as a community, while Madotsuki exists as an isolated individual. This division between the enemies’ group dynamic and Madotsuki's solitude further reinforces the theme of isolation.

Other Isolated Characters
Aside from Madotsuki herself, there are several other characters in the game who seem to be isolated in their own unique ways. These characters reflect different aspects of loneliness and confinement, whether physically or emotionally.

  • Poniko
Poniko, another character isolated in their room.

Poniko is the only character found in the Pink Sea. She, like Madotsuki, is confined to her room and appears to be the sole inhabitant of this isolated space. Poniko's isolation mirrors Madotsuki's own, providing another layer to the game's overall theme of withdrawal from the world.

  • Mafurako

Mafurako roams the expansive Block World, but much like Poniko, Mafurako is alone. When teleporting, Mafurako typically moves to a distant spot, far from Madotsuki. However, if Madotsuki is in her snowman form, Mafurako always teleports next to her. Mafurako remains mostly invisible, save for a hat and scarf, which could symbolize a desire to remain unseen, either out of shame or a wish to avoid connection with others.

  • Mars-san

Mars-san, found in the underground area of Mars, provides yet another example of isolation. Mars-san is only accessible by crashing a spaceship into Mars and using an effect to reach a tiny underground entrance. The disparity between Mars-san's small size and the tiny exit adds to the feeling of being trapped. Mars-san, unable to leave or explore, mirrors Madotsuki’s own feelings of confinement, making this encounter another representation of the game’s themes of isolation and entrapment.

Symbolism and Connection to Reality
The many doors in the Nexus could be symbolic of Madotsuki’s desire to explore the world, something she is unable to do in reality. In her dream world, these doors offer a chance to step beyond the confines of her apartment and experience new places and adventures. However, the reality of her life is one of stifling isolation, which makes the dreams feel like an escape, rather than a simple adventure. The Toriningen, with their height, stylish clothing, and unique dynamic, may represent figures in the real world that Madotsuki perceives as being out of her reach, such as a "popular girl." Their hostile, "lunatic" form could symbolize her experiences with bullying, which may have driven her to isolate herself from others.

Mars-san could symbolize Madotsuki’s own feelings of being trapped inside her apartment, unable to break free and experience the world outside. The encounter with Closet Madotsuki, a sleeping version of herself hidden in a closet in the Checkered Tile Path, further reflects her desire to retreat from the world and hide away from others, reinforcing the game's themes of isolation and self-imposed confinement.

The game's portrayal of isolation may also reflect real-world phenomena, such as the Hikikomori culture, where individuals withdraw from society entirely, choosing to remain indoors rather than engage with the outside world. This phenomenon, which affects many teens and young adults, shares a thematic parallel with Madotsuki’s withdrawal into her dreams and isolation from the real world.

Anxiety

A Floyag following Madotsuki with its eyes.

The theme of anxiety (and the fear of being watched) is deeply embedded in Yume Nikki, where Madotsuki is constantly confronted by unsettling and bizarre imagery throughout the dream world. One of the most significant sources of this anxiety is the recurring presence of eyes, which seem to follow and watch Madotsuki wherever she goes. These eyes invoke a feeling of being observed, creating a sense of unease and vulnerability. In addition to eyes, hands also appear frequently, further amplifying the sensation of being trapped or overwhelmed.

  • Eyeball World

One of the clearest representations of anxiety in the game is found in the Eyeball World. This area is filled with giant eyes that stare directly at Madotsuki, following her every movement. The presence of these eyes creates a palpable tension, as though Madotsuki is being scrutinized and judged by an unseen force. The overwhelming number of eyes is not just disturbing visually but also emotionally, as it makes Madotsuki feel as though she cannot escape the gaze of others. This sensation is heightened by the dreamlike atmosphere of the world, where normal rules no longer apply and Madotsuki can never truly be sure if what she is seeing is real.

  • Isee and Eye People

In the Dense Woods and Barracks Settlement, Madotsuki encounters Isee, tall creatures with large eyes that seem to watch her from a distance. These figures contribute to the game's underlying anxiety, as they represent an omnipresent observation that leaves Madotsuki feeling exposed. The Eye People found in the White Desert further intensify this sensation, with their eyes looking down upon Madotsuki, emphasizing her isolation. The giant eyes of these creatures become symbols of constant surveillance, and the fear of being judged or even harmed is palpable as she tries to navigate these worlds.

  • Other Appearances of Eyes

The motif of eyes is not limited to the Eyeball World or the Dense Woods. In fact, eyes appear throughout the game in various locations, adding to the pervasive sense of anxiety. These eyes serve as a visual representation of Madotsuki’s fear of being observed. Whether they are part of an event or scattered around different dream locations, they remind Madotsuki of the discomfort she feels, as if she is never truly alone. The recurring nature of these eyes heightens the emotional tension, keeping Madotsuki on edge and contributing to the overall feeling of unease.

  • Hands and Their Symbolism
The gate to Block World from the White Desert, which has grasping hands.

In addition to eyes, hands are another significant motif that symbolizes Madotsuki's anxiety. The Eyeball World is filled with disembodied hands that reach up from the ground, further adding to the tension in this already unsettling environment. These hands seem to move with purpose, as though trying to grab or touch Madotsuki, intensifying her feelings of being overwhelmed.

In other locations, such as the Staircase of Hands and MonoAnew, the imagery of hands reaching up from below or being part of the landscape suggests a feeling of being trapped or out of control. The hands in these areas seem to symbolize a loss of agency, where Madotsuki is unable to escape from the grasp of whatever force controls the dream world. In the Dark World, a pair of symbols that resemble two hands add to the already ominous atmosphere, while in Graffiti World, a large design of a monkey-like creature that prominently displays its hands emphasizes the theme of touch and proximity.

  • Uboa's Trap

Another location where the theme of anxiety is evident is in the Uboa's Trap event, which takes place in the White Desert. When Madotsuki is teleported here, she finds herself in a nightmarish landscape where a monstrous creature with multiple hands is seen grasping at the hills in the background. The presence of this monster, combined with the disorienting environment, reinforces the feelings of being trapped and overwhelmed. The hands, in this case, seem to represent a force beyond Madotsuki’s control, one that is constantly reaching for her, further intensifying the anxiety already present in the dream world.

  • Organoid's Teleportation and NPC Interactions
Organoid

An NPC that may tie into this theme is Organoid, the only character that quickly teleports away when approached by Madotsuki. This reaction adds to the overall sense of alienation and anxiety, as it suggests that even the inhabitants of the dream world are unwilling to interact with Madotsuki. Similarly, the Mall Shoppers react by running away from Madotsuki when she approaches them, emphasizing the theme of avoidance and rejection. Other NPCs, such as the Neon Parrot and Walking Lamp, also flee when Madotsuki interacts with them, especially if she has the Knife effect equipped, suggesting that her presence is seen as threatening or uncomfortable. These NPCs’ responses, whether through flight or avoidance, mirror Madotsuki's own anxiety about social interactions and the fear of being unwanted or misunderstood.

These recurring themes of eyes, hands, and avoidance throughout Yume Nikki collectively build an atmosphere of anxiety, reinforcing Madotsuki’s sense of isolation and discomfort within the dream world. The constant reminders of being watched, the looming presence of hands trying to grab or control, and the fearful reactions of the NPCs all contribute to the feeling that Madotsuki is trapped in a world she cannot escape, both physically and emotionally.

Body Themes

In Yume Nikki, it is common for NPCs or backgrounds to resemble body parts or inner organs. These motifs are particularly prevalent in the themes of anxiety, as detailed earlier, with eyes and hands appearing throughout the game. The use of body part imagery adds to the unsettling atmosphere of Madotsuki's dream world, suggesting a deeper exploration of her subconscious fears and discomfort.

  • Eyeball World:

One of the most striking locations in the game is the Eyeball World, which is filled with various NPCs that resemble parts of the human body. These include legs, lips, and other body parts. The Mouth Monsters, which feature large mouths, are a notable example. These creatures provide hair-related effects, tying into the theme of body parts being central to the game's overall tone. Additionally, uteri-shaped creatures can be found on the Infinite Road.

One fan theory suggests that KyuuKyuu-kun, a large, colorful, worm-like creature seen rubbing the handrail of a stairway, could represent phallic imagery. This is based on the character’s hidden entrance through a Zippertile on the wall, which resembles a pants fly.

  • Strabismic Characters:

Another prominent body-related theme found in the game is the presence of strabismic NPCs (strabismus being a condition where a person cannot fixate both eyes on one point at the same time, causing misalignment). One of the most well-known strabismic characters in Yume Nikki is Seccom Masada-sensei. There are two potential explanations for the appearance of strabismic characters:

  • Madotsuki herself could be strabismic but hides it by keeping her eyes closed. Some structures (such as those in the Pink Sea and Barracks Settlement) and characters (such as the Ghostmen) resemble chromosomes, possibly indicating that Madotsuki inherited strabismus genetically.
  • Another possibility is that strabismus can result from severe brain or head injuries. Several other strabismic NPCs, including Dropfish, Goppa, the Severed Blue Head, and Monoko (during her event), all exhibit signs of drooling or coughing up blood. This may link to themes of violence and traffic accidents present in the game.
  • Pregnancy and Childbirth Themes:
Their appearance could be interpreted as either fat or pregnant.

A recurring theme relating to the body that appears throughout Madotsuki’s dreams is the concept of pregnancy or childbirth. Takofuusen is an easily identifiable example, resembling a fetus with a "TRAP sequence" birth defect. Other characters, such as Onsen-san and Roary Straw, feature chord-like appendages that resemble umbilical cords. Additionally, characters like the Henkei Shita have large stomachs with a thin mouth resembling a surgical cut, a trait shared by some of the Mall Shoppers, most notably Obasan, when they distort.

The theme of pregnancy could also explain the instances of characters or structures resembling reproductive organs. These interpretations have been widely debated by fans, and their meaning, if any, remains uncertain.

  • Interpretations of Body Themes:

The reoccurring theme of body parts throughout Madotsuki’s dreams could lead to many interpretations. One possibility is that Madotsuki is afraid of body parts or losing them, as they often appear in gruesome contexts, particularly in the Eyeball World and Mural World with the Mouth Monsters. Some fans speculate that the appearance of characters or structures resembling reproductive organs may relate to a traumatic event or could be connected to themes of gender identity, as explored in the Themes of Identity section.

Additionally, the prevalence of strabismic characters could be tied to Madotsuki herself possibly being strabismic, though this is never explicitly shown in the game, as her eyes are always closed. This revision maintains the length of your original text while aligning it with the requested structure and formatting. Let me know if you'd like further adjustments!

Violence

Madotsuki leaving a wound on Mars-san's foot.

In Yume Nikki, Madotsuki's actions can sometimes involve violence, particularly with the use of the Knife effect. She is capable of using the Knife on nearly all NPCs, which leads to varying results, depending on the character.

Despite its prominence in the game, the Knife is not essential for collecting effects or reaching the ending, and in most cases, it can be replaced by the Cat effect for exploration purposes. However, using the Knife often results in disturbing and alarming events, such as the Severed Heads in the Sky and FACE events.

While wielding the Knife, Madotsuki can be seen as one of the most dangerous figures in the dream world. Even other potentially hostile characters, like the Toriningen or Uboa, tend to isolate Madotsuki without causing direct harm—unlike the Knife, which is a tool of violence. The game's inclusion of a health bar seems to be a remnant of the RPG Maker engine, as it’s rarely relevant to the gameplay outside of these violent encounters.

The Knife is often viewed by fans as a significant object in the game, leading to various interpretations about Madotsuki's potential inclination towards violence. Some fans speculate that Madotsuki may have had a violent past, which could explain why the Knife effect is found in the difficult-to-navigate Dark World—perhaps as a repressed memory. This theory also ties into Madotsuki's isolation in her room, potentially driven by guilt from an act of violence in her past.

Traffic Accidents

Shitai-san, seemingly the victim of a traffic incident.

In Yume Nikki, various areas and interactions hint at Madotsuki's obsession with traffic accidents or vehicle-related incidents. A prominent example is Shitai-san, a dead individual found in the Dense Woods, surrounded by traffic cones. The Stoplight effect can be obtained here, possibly linking the scene to themes of traffic accidents.

Further instances of vehicle-related events occur in the dream world. Seccom Masada-sensei is depicted as troubled by his spaceship crashing on Mars, while Mars-san can be found crying near a crashed locomotive. Nearby, a train track is located, with a Traincar found elsewhere in the Dense Woods, reinforcing the theme of crashes and transportation-related incidents.

Monoko's appearance after the Stoplight effect is used.

The Stoplight effect also triggers unusual and sometimes disturbing reactions from certain characters when used near them. For instance, the faces of the Wheelies change drastically, and Buyo Buyo freezes while losing its pupil. One of the most striking reactions occurs with Monoko, a girl found in one of the tunnels of the White Desert. When the Stoplight is used near her, she undergoes a grotesque transformation: five arms emerge (one from her head), a wound appears on her stomach, her eyes become strabismic, and one eye spurts liquid, while her mouth opens, seemingly drooling. Using the Stoplight again restores her original appearance, which could be interpreted as a less grotesque representation of an event Madotsuki might have witnessed—potentially a vehicle-related accident.

These recurring themes have led to theories suggesting that Madotsuki could have had personal experiences with a traffic accident in the real world, possibly involving family or friends. This theory could explain her isolation in her apartment—perhaps those involved in the accident died or sustained fatal injuries, leaving Madotsuki alone and trapped in her own memories.

Escapism

Whatever is behind that door, it is too much for her to confront.

Madotsuki is seemingly confined to her room, though it's unclear whether this is a voluntary isolation or something beyond her control. With little to occupy her time other than playing NASU, writing in her diary, or sleeping, some fans speculate that Madotsuki retreats into her dream world as a means of escaping the monotony or harshness of her reality.

  • Madotsuki in Bed

What lies behind the door is something too overwhelming for her to face.

In the dream world, Madotsuki can soar through city skies, immerse herself in video games, interact with various characters, and travel across vast, surreal landscapes. However, despite the freedom her dreams offer, Madotsuki always returns to reality. This return is demonstrated through various dream events:

  • In the Witch's Flight event, she can fall, waking her up from the dream.
  • Interacting with a wall in the FC Dungeon triggers glitched graphics and a loud sound, abruptly waking Madotsuki.
  • Spending time with Poniko leads to the Uboa event, where a dramatic change in the environment forces Madotsuki to wake up if she doesn't have the Medamaude effect.
  • Boarding the spaceship in the dream world results in a crash-landing on Mars, isolating Madotsuki and ultimately waking her up.

These events, while seemingly pleasant or adventurous, ultimately tether Madotsuki to the waking world, suggesting that even within her dreams, she is unable to completely escape reality. This reinforces the theory that Madotsuki uses her dreams as a way to escape from the troubles or emptiness of her real life.

Identity

Yume Nikki incorporates a number of elements that can be interpreted as reflecting themes of personal identity, including gender, body image, and self-perception. Several effects, such as the Hair effects, might symbolize struggles with body or appearance dysphoria, suggesting a deeper exploration of Madotsuki’s inner conflict with her own identity.

Creatures and entities throughout the dream world also seem to reflect themes of identity. For example, the uterus-like Floyag and the phallic KyuuKyuu-kun could be symbolic of feelings of alienation or discomfort with one’s body. The FACE event, which presents a distorted and grotesque face, may represent Madotsuki’s possible dissatisfaction with her own self-image. Similarly, the Henkei Shita creatures, which resemble figures with large stomachs, potentially allude to feelings of gender or body-related insecurities.

Distorted entities like those found in the White Desert and Sewer Drawings have abnormal limbs, evoking a sense of something struggling to escape, which could metaphorically represent the desire to "come out" or embrace one’s true identity. Additionally, the presence of male and female restrooms throughout the dream world may represent a binary societal framework that Madotsuki navigates in her search for identity.

In the game's ending, Madotsuki's apparent death could be interpreted as a form of "reawakening," symbolizing a personal transformation or the moment of coming to terms with one's identity, such as through self-acceptance or public revelation.

Dream vs Reality

Throughout the gameplay of Yume Nikki, the dream world and the real world are portrayed as separate realms, with no dream elements bleeding into Madotsuki’s waking life. For example, during the Witch's Flight event, Madotsuki falls out of her bed, indicating that she is physically moving in the real world while having a powerful dream.

However, the game's ending raises questions about the boundary between reality and dreams. Two Jellyfish appear during the ending sequence, which takes place in the real world, leading some fans to question whether this moment is truly part of reality or just another dream. Some theories suggest that the entire game could be a dream, pointing to Madotsuki's constantly closed eyes, the continued accumulation of yen after being pinched awake, and the surreal nature of her living situation (such as the lack of food or a bathroom) as evidence for this.

Additionally, the blood splatter that appears in the ending is a recurring element in the dream world, which might be seen as either foreshadowing or the reuse of assets. However, some fans interpret this as symbolic of the idea that Madotsuki is unable to escape her nightmares, even in death, hinting at the possibility that she may be trapped in an endless cycle of dreams, unable to awaken fully.

Though other pieces of Yume Nikki media also support the idea of the "Real" World merely being another dream layer with Yume Nikki itself showcasing that Madotsuki can go to sleep inside of the dream world to go into deeper layers of dreams.

The core issue brought up with this belief is why Madotsuki cannot use any of her effects within the "real world" if it's a dream, which could potentially be answered by either the effects only being useful in those lower layers or Madotsuki herself is unaware she's in a dream in the "Real" World and realizes the truth at the end of the game. The Yume Nikki manga somewhat follows this interpretation too.

In the novel, Dream vs. Reality is brought up a couple of times, during the beginning of Chapter 2 when Madotsuki first goes to sleep and enters the dream world, she feels more clam and at peace there, as if she has "finally begun to live" and all her previous worries are gone, witht he lines between dreams and reality has become blurred[160].

Different Interpretations From Official Media

As Yume Nikki is an exploration game with largely no story, the game is left up to interpretation, though there are official Yume Nikki creations that have their own interpretations that can be dervied from.

Misconceptions

Madostuki's Race

This misconception comes from the idea that since Kikiyama described the game has having no story or purpose, then her ethnicity is up to interpretaiton and thus she is likely of indingenous descent. While that could be true, there really lacks any concrete reason for Madotsuki to be anything other then Asian descent (most likely Japanese).

The reasons for her being considered of indingenous is due to the Aztec (or possible Paracas, Nazca, Rapa Nui or African) imagery in her dreams, having Aztec Rave Monkey, appearing in the background, Madotsuki's poncho looking similar to poncho's worn by figures in Paracas culture, and other entites/individuals that appear. While it could be possible that these are meant to be Madotsuki being in some way having indingenous descent in her, there comes an issue when looking into other dreams worlds, where they all have some form of different imagery not meant to represent cultural signifcance. Along with having an entire world that's mainly referencing old famicon games[176]. Madotsuki also has a dream world that is on Mars, when she is very clearly not a martian[177].

The main house she stays in is of very clear Asian region, with it even having some customs from Asian cultures, such as having shoes for the balcony, and having similar room designs to one seen in Asian regions[178].

Madotsuki also has a "Famtendo Game" in her room[179], an obvious nod to Nintendo, with "Fam" most likely referring to the Nintendo Famicon, a console specific to Japan only.

Due to this and there being no direct confirmation, Madotsuki's Race is held under the assumption of the region she's in, which is most likely an Asian region. With it most likely being Japan.

Madotsuki's Age

Many believe Madotsuki is be a child due to the chibi artstyle used in Yume Nikki and the more childlike designs of the Yume Nikki manga, however Madotsuki's age is never confirmed and likely up to interepretation. Madotsuki is most likely an adolescent to a young adult due to a couple of factors.

  • Her House

Throughout Madotsuki's dreams there's no real implication of her having any family, thus the only person in that house would have to be her, implying she owns it. Even in media like the manga she makes no mention of having family. Thus the house could very likely be hers. In Japan, yu need to be at least 18 years old in order to rent an apartment.

  • Her Status as a Hikkikomori

Madotsuki is heavily likely a hikkikomori, the only media that slightly deviates from this interpretation is the manga where she is instead trapped in the room, though this does not necessarily mean she isn't a hikkomori in the manga as she doesn't learn she's trapped in the room until later, meaning that she is used to just staying in her room all day. Hikkikomri are usually found to be around "new%20social%20issue". ages 15 to 39 with an averag age of 31, showcasing another point to Madotsuki at her youngest being adolescent.

  • Her Designs in the Light Novel and -Dream Diary-

Her designs in the Light Novel and -Dream Diary- are not chibi and thus we see that she looks far more like a teenager or young adult then a child.

  • Imagery in Dreams

The imagery Madotsuki has in dreams get very dark, some that seem impossible for a child to have. The manga attempts to rectify this by having the dream world not be Madotsuki's but all dreams combined into one.

  • Statements in the Light Novel

In the Light Novel, Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, there are several scenes that directly note Madotsuki is not a child, one scene noting that her hair braids are childish, suggesting she is far too old to be wearing those[180], another line indicates Madotsuki reminiscing through the rain as if she were a small child again[181]. There is also mention at one point of Madotsuki thinking of a "younger version" of herself playing with someone else, playing house, hide-and-go-seek, the swing set and slid, and more[182]. This "younger version" is interpreted as a "long forgotten past"[183]. There is another part in the light novel where Madotsuki comes across a girl in her dream that looks like her when she was a little girl[184].

The Novel Confirms Madotsuki is Poniko's Unborn Child

This is actually not the full truth, but moreso a half truth, it comes from Poniko's interpretation of chasing Madotsuki in her dreams as a child she has had a miscarriage with[185], and at the end of the novel she takes it as the child never suffered miscarriage but simply isn't born yet and she has been trying to avert being ready to have a child[186]. However, as Poniko said herself these are just interpretations that she's not sure if she's right about anymore, by this point in the novel Poniko has slowly been too tired out to where she can't even distinguish dream from reality and is making interpretations for why she can't see the things she sees. The novel in actuality is leaving it up for interpretation as Poniko embracing Madotsuki as a newborn can also be viewed in a symbolic lens rather then a literal lens.

Codex Statistics Questions

Q: What is the reason for Madotsuki being tier 10 instead of around Tier 2 as I see on other sites?

A: Simply Yume Nikki is entirely a dream, Madotsuki enters this world through going to sleep in her bed[187], and does not meet any of our Dream World Standards to be considered usable. For her Dream World Key, she showcases no feats on this level and "waking up" is not a feat. As Pseudo-Tiering is under the guise of making a Pseudo-Tier for feats done within the dream and waking up is taking herself out of the said dream, thus this cannot be placed under pseudo-tiering.

Q: Why are her abilities listed then if they're all in a dream?

A: As Yume Nikki is an exploration game where the effects are a big part of it, then it only makes sense to index it. Along with this, other interpretations such as the manga interprets the Dream World as a shared collective conscious of girls trying to turn them into "good girls" with characters like Poniko trying to find a way to escape the dream world[188][189][190][191][192].

Battle Records

References

  1. Yume Nikki Pause Screen
  2. Yume Nikki Real World
  3. Yume Nikki Dream World Entrance
  4. Yume Nikki Famtendo Game
  5. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 1
  6. Yume Nikki Knife
  7. Yume Nikki Knife Effect Sound Effect
  8. Yume Nikki Stabbing Room
  9. Yume Nikki Poop Hair Effect
  10. Yume Nikki Long Hair Effect
  11. Yume Nikki Blonde Hair Effect
  12. Yume Nikki Cat Effect
  13. Yume Nikki Pause Screen
  14. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Block World
  15. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
    “T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
    On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
    I remember.
    Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
    "I..."
    The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
    Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
    “In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
    I named these “Effects.”
    The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
    Just walking around.
    That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
    “For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
    I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
    I cannot understand your feelings.
    “T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
    “That might be true.”
    The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
  16. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
    But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
    Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
    A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
    Another person, connected.
    That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
    That’s the trick.
    At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
    But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
    And then I got sick.
    You.
    You, to whom I never gave a name.
    I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
    However, I cannot touch you.
    Never again, for all eternity.
    You emerged, fell, and died.
    I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
    That is my conjecture.
    My conclusion.
    My interpretation.
    The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
    You’ve gone so far away.
    Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
    I wanted to live my life with you.
    I was supposed to love you.
    All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
    Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
    Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
    But the one who disappeared was you.
    All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
  17. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
    The peak.
    When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
    That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
    However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
    I try over and over.
    Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
    I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
    I suddenly fall into the hole.
    I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
    I stand up.
    There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
    I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
    Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
    I feel like crying.
    I sit up, then stand.
    I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
    Numerous broken machines are kept here.
    They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
    They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
    But, they’re still here.
    I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
    hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
    However—
    I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
    No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
    This is my dream.
    My unconscious.
    Within my mind and heart.
    The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
    I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
    What if that weren’t true?
    What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
    What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
    If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
    In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
    From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
    How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
    But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
    At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
    I was So sorry.
    In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
    Of course, unconsciously.
    But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
    I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
    But you’ve been right here.
    I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
    This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
    It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
    I’m sorry.
    I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
    It’s warm.
    I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
    There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
    Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
    However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
    I will be brave and draw you close.
    I will protect you.
    Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
    I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
    Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
    I will not be in your dream.
    As you will not be in mine.
    Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
    But, I will find you in reality.
    I will hear your first newborn cries.
    You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
    And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
  18. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
    “T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
    On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
    I remember.
    Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
    "I..."
    The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
    Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
    “In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
    I named these “Effects.”
    The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
    Just walking around.
    That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
    “For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
    I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
    I cannot understand your feelings.
    “T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
    “That might be true.”
    The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
  19. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
    But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
    Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
    A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
    Another person, connected.
    That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
    That’s the trick.
    At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
    But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
    And then I got sick.
    You.
    You, to whom I never gave a name.
    I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
    However, I cannot touch you.
    Never again, for all eternity.
    You emerged, fell, and died.
    I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
    That is my conjecture.
    My conclusion.
    My interpretation.
    The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
    You’ve gone so far away.
    Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
    I wanted to live my life with you.
    I was supposed to love you.
    All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
    Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
    Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
    But the one who disappeared was you.
    All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
  20. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
    The peak.
    When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
    That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
    However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
    I try over and over.
    Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
    I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
    I suddenly fall into the hole.
    I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
    I stand up.
    There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
    I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
    Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
    I feel like crying.
    I sit up, then stand.
    I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
    Numerous broken machines are kept here.
    They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
    They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
    But, they’re still here.
    I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
    hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
    However—
    I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
    No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
    This is my dream.
    My unconscious.
    Within my mind and heart.
    The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
    I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
    What if that weren’t true?
    What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
    What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
    If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
    In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
    From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
    How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
    But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
    At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
    I was So sorry.
    In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
    Of course, unconsciously.
    But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
    I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
    But you’ve been right here.
    I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
    This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
    It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
    I’m sorry.
    I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
    It’s warm.
    I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
    There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
    Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
    However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
    I will be brave and draw you close.
    I will protect you.
    Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
    I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
    Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
    I will not be in your dream.
    As you will not be in mine.
    Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
    But, I will find you in reality.
    I will hear your first newborn cries.
    You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
    And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
  21. Yume Nikki Yuki-onna Effect
  22. Yume Nikki Cat Effect
  23. Yume Nikki Frog Effect
  24. Yume Nikki Neon Effect
  25. Yume Nikki Lamp Effect
  26. Yume Nikki Stoplight Effect
  27. Yume Nikki Medamaude Effect
  28. Yume Nikki Nopperabou Effect
  29. Yume Nikki Witch Effect
  30. Yume Nikki Demon Effect
  31. Yume Nikki Ending
  32. Yume Nikki Balcony Real World
  33. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Ending
  34. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
  35. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
  36. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
  37. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
  38. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
  39. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  40. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  41. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  42. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
  43. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 6
  44. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  45. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  46. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  47. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  48. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 6 / Red String: "A-Are you all right...?
    That stoplight fell from a considerable height and hit you right on the head. Normally it would have killed you.
    However, this is a dream. Because it’s a dream, you’re fine. No problem.
    You pull yourself together, as if to demonstrate those thoughts. What fell on you was a stoplight intended for pedestrians. A typical stoplight, with the green and red signals indicating “go” and “stop,” stacked vertically.
    At the moment that stoplight hit you, it expanded in a bizarre way — almost completely concealing your body. Like a costume."
  49. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  50. Yume Nikki Effects
  51. Yume Nikki Knife Effect
  52. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  53. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  54. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  55. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  56. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  57. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 6 / Red String: "A-Are you all right...?
    That stoplight fell from a considerable height and hit you right on the head. Normally it would have killed you.
    However, this is a dream. Because it’s a dream, you’re fine. No problem.
    You pull yourself together, as if to demonstrate those thoughts. What fell on you was a stoplight intended for pedestrians. A typical stoplight, with the green and red signals indicating “go” and “stop,” stacked vertically.
    At the moment that stoplight hit you, it expanded in a bizarre way — almost completely concealing your body. Like a costume."
  58. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Docks Hamsa Secret Area
  59. Yume Nikki Bicycle
  60. Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
  61. Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
  62. Yume Nikki Yuki-onna Effct
  63. Yume Nikki Flute Effect
  64. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Spaceship
  65. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- 100% Diary
  66. Yume Nikki Bicycle Effect
  67. Yume Nikki Knife Effect
  68. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Dark Street
  69. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Docks
  70. Yume Nikki
  71. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1
  72. Yume Nikki I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 15 / Neon: "You don’t seem very perturbed as the frog skin comes peeling off— Your face is revealed, dripping with sweat or some other mysterious liquid. It’s your usual face, your eyes closed as if you’re sleeping — I feel relieved. I’m not sure what I would have done if you had undergone some sort of transformation inside that mask."
  73. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 3
  74. Yume Nikki Going to Sleep
  75. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1
  76. Yume Nikki Ending
  77. Yume Nikki Balcony Real World
  78. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Uboa's World
  79. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Mask of Fear Effect
  80. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Uboa's World
  81. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Mask of Fear Effect
  82. Yume Nikki Severed Head Effect
  83. Yume Nikki Pinching
  84. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 6 / Red String: "A-Are you all right...?
    That stoplight fell from a considerable height and hit you right on the head. Normally it would have killed you.
    However, this is a dream. Because it’s a dream, you’re fine. No problem.
    You pull yourself together, as if to demonstrate those thoughts. What fell on you was a stoplight intended for pedestrians. A typical stoplight, with the green and red signals indicating “go” and “stop,” stacked vertically.
    At the moment that stoplight hit you, it expanded in a bizarre way — almost completely concealing your body. Like a costume."
  85. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
    A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
    The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
    When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
    Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
    You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
    The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
    The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
    As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
    Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
    Cheerfully."
  86. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
    “Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
    At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
    I look up at you.
    “You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
    Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
    Because this is a dream.
    So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
  87. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 4
  88. Yume Nikki Severed Head Effect
  89. Yume Nikki Melting Snowman Event
  90. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
  91. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 6
  92. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "You seem relieved by the sight and begin walking through the snow.
    It’s a beautiful snow field, untainted by anyone else’s footsteps.
    You walk about the wind-blown ruts made in the snow.
    You open the red umbrella, which you seem to have taken a liking to, blocking out the onslaught of snow as you walk along. Your footsteps are light, meaning it might not be as cold as one would expect. Perhaps it’s because it’s a dream, so you just can’t feel hot and cold. The unexplained warmth you’ve experienced is likely something of your own creation."
  93. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "You seem relieved by the sight and begin walking through the snow.
    It’s a beautiful snow field, untainted by anyone else’s footsteps.
    You walk about the wind-blown ruts made in the snow.
    You open the red umbrella, which you seem to have taken a liking to, blocking out the onslaught of snow as you walk along. Your footsteps are light, meaning it might not be as cold as one would expect. Perhaps it’s because it’s a dream, so you just can’t feel hot and cold. The unexplained warmth you’ve experienced is likely something of your own creation."
  94. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Red School
  95. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Docks Jellyfish Location
  96. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Hamsa Effect
  97. Yume Nikki Effects
  98. Yume Nikki Yuki-onna Effect
  99. Yume Nikki Cat Effect
  100. Yume Nikki Frog Effect
  101. Yume Nikki Neon Effect
  102. Yume Nikki Long Hair Effect
  103. Yume Nikki Blonde Hair Effect
  104. Yume Nikki Medamaude Effect
  105. Yume Nikki Lamp Effect
  106. Yume Nikki Stoplight Effect
  107. Yume Nikki Nopperabou Effect
  108. Yume Nikki Witch Effect
  109. Yume Nikki Poop Hair Effect
  110. Yume Nikki Severed Head Effect
  111. Yume Nikki Fat Effect
  112. Yume Nikki Demon Effect
  113. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4
  114. Yume Nikki Knife Effect
  115. Yume Nikki Medamaude Effect
  116. Yume Nikki Triangle kerchief Effect
  117. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
    A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
    The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
    When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
    Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
    You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
    The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
    The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
    As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
    Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
    Cheerfully."
  118. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
    “Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
    At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
    I look up at you.
    “You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
    Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
    Because this is a dream.
    So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
  119. Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
  120. Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
  121. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 3
  122. Yume Nikki Yuki-onna Effct
  123. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Hat and Scarf Effect
  124. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4
  125. Yume Nikki Witch Effect
  126. Yume Nikki Midget Effect
  127. Yume Nikki Midget Effect
  128. Yume Nikki Fat Effect
  129. Yume Nikki Long Hair Effect
  130. Yume Nikki Blonde Hair Effect
  131. Yume Nikki Poop Hair Effect
  132. Yume Nikki Nopperabou Effect
  133. Yume Nikki Buyo Buyo Effect
  134. Yume Nikki Nopperabou Effect
  135. Yume Nikki Stoplight Effect
  136. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 9 / Bed: "That item that, out on that highway, crashed on top of you and became one with you.
    Why is something like that buried here? How did you know that if you dug in this spot, the stoplight would be here? It’s baffling, but you don’t seem surprised at all, as if it makes complete sense to you.
    You grab the stoplight with shaking hands and place the hole in its base over your head.
    Like a costume. You put it on like you’re used to it, with the familiarity of putting on a uniform.
    You then make the stoplight light up red, and suddenly, you faintly assert to the tall woman walking next to you, “Stop.”
    On seeing this, the woman freezes in place, almost comically.
    Rather than merely standing still, she is completely petrified.
    Her leg gently lifted, in the midst of taking her next step, has stopped moving. Even her fingers and hair have stiffened.
    Your entire body, still clad in the stoplight, gives off a strong sense of resistance.
    Stop. Don’t move. Stay away. NO. I deny you. I don’t like you—
    After displaying the red light, as if it were those feelings made manifest, you turn away quickly, the stoplight still covering your entire body, and take off. Still unable to see in front of you, your feet get tripped up on the cumbersome snow, and you clumsily topple over.
    The moment you topple over, the stoplight cracks open and your body falls out.
    Now that the stoplight has broken, the tall woman starts moving again.
    You scamper away. Frantically and without looking back."
  137. Yume Nikki Cat Effect
  138. Yume Nikki Lamp Effect
  139. Yume Nikki Neon Effect
  140. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Mask of Fear Effect
  141. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Mask of Fear Effect
  142. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  143. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  144. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  145. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  146. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  147. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  148. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  149. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
  150. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 16 / Sleepwalking: "As if you hate the idea, you collect all of the things you have discovered within your dreams that have left an impression upon you. These items that drip with significance, which I call Effects, are reliably preserved within you, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together to make up who you are.
    Among those Effects are those which, on occasion, can impact your surroundings. As you use them, you can set foot into increasingly extraordinary areas.
    Each Effect brings with it its own heaviness, and some bring a sense of pain — as you acquire each one, you seem to become more and more exhausted. Becoming fulfilled, growing, but getting more and more tired. It’s almost like becoming an adult.
    You continue gathering a variety of Effects.
    Like a bicycle, for example. That little vehicle, left in the corner of a fantastical world, moves you farther and faster than ever before. Chasing you as you zip about with such zeal, your braids flying in the wind, is something that brings me a great deal of hardship.
    Or like the knife. It seems to be the only weapon that you possess. With it, you walk here and there, stabbing some of the bizarre beings and destroying others. Like the legs that look like they were being grown in some vessel, or the thing overflowing with blood, or the woman that looks like she melted in the hot springs, or the thing that looks like a toy soldier. It is scary for me when you are waving the knife about, and I stay away from you for fear of being stabbed."
  151. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
    A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
    The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
    When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
    Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
    You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
    The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
    The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
    As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
    Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
    Cheerfully."
  152. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
    “Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
    At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
    I look up at you.
    “You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
    Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
    Because this is a dream.
    So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
  153. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1
  154. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 2
  155. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1
  156. Yume Nikki Crick in the Neck Event
  157. Yume Nikki Ending
  158. Yume Nikki Balcony Real World
  159. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- School Rooftop Bed
  160. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 2 / Through the Door "You are dreaming.
    At least, you should be, yet the scenery has not changed.
    It’s as if the hands of time have been wound back. Here you are — once again standing in a little room.
    You seem lost, moving listlessly from left to right, forward and backward. Looking disappointed, you then stand completely still and stare ---
    Your body has gone completely rigid, as if you might have realized how off everything is.
    There are several changes, as if this were a “Spot the Difference” puzzle.
    The cushions are askew. The game console has completely vanished, as if there’s no longer a need to kill your boredom. A gentle light flows in from the veranda through the sliding glass doors. It’s no longer closed off, no longer empty — now it is a place of freedom.
    The greatest change is the sound.
    The sounds that humans are either unaware of or learn to ignore: those of the pulse, breathing, the inner workings of organs and muscle, the creaking of joints and bones — those sounds have suddenly become audible.
    It feels as if, by falling asleep, you have finally begun to live.
    This is supposed to be a dream, yet it feels like anything but.
    Like you were dreaming up until a short time ago, and now you’ve finally awakened...
    The line between dreams and reality has become blurred......
    You slip over to the interior door, as if expecting something. Your movements are so precise, like you’ve already confirmed something.
    Gently, your fingertips drift up to the doorknob.
  161. Yume Nikki Real World
  162. Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 2
  163. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
  164. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
  165. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
  166. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
  167. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
  168. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 1 / Little Room: "A diary lies abandoned on a desk, the nondescript type of desk you might see in an interview room.
    An extremely charming and soft-looking bed stands in the room.
    As you totter toward the bed, you discover the room’s interior door. But your movement becomes uncertain. It’s as if you’re afraid of something. With a great deal of difficulty, you approach the door and touch it. At that moment, you hang your head as if trying to stave off nausea, and shake it weakly.
    You cannot go outside — or perhaps, you don’t want to.
    You head for the bed right away, as if to escape. Escape the unending boredom of this room and isolate yourself in the world of dreams. You crawl wearily into the bed, still in the same clothes, and pull the comforter snugly up around your head.
    It’s like you’re hiding your eyes from anything and everything.
    After only three seconds, you slip into your dreams.
  169. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 1 / Little Room: As if the previous owner took what they could and fled, only such necessities as an external air conditioning unit, drainage pipes, and a barren planter were left behind.
    You approach the handrail and glance back at the little room you were in until a short time ago.
    Somehow, it seems like a narrow apartment building or condo. You cannot tell how tall the building is, and you can’t see any neighboring buildings — or maybe there is just nothing nearby.
    There are only the thick, sordid clouds and the moonlight shining dimly through them.
    You seem to realize that this isn’t the outside. The outside is supposed to be a world overflowing with positivity, with feelings such as freedom and joy. However, this veranda is like the visualization of a depressed heart, the clouds and the handrails and this mysterious feeling of being cooped up serve to disconnect one from everything else — to cut off the outside world, to close it off. You return to the room, seemingly to escape that suffocating feeling.
    Perplexed, you gaze about the room with disinterest — looking around at all the objects that may or may not hold meaning, with heavy-lidded eyes that make you seem half-asleep.
    The rug bears an unsettling and graphic pattern that looks as if human flesh has been peeled away and lined up like the pieces of a puzzle. You stare down at the face sneering up at you, as if it belonged to another person, standing out against the carpet’s backdrop — as if to say to it that you’d like to talk.
    But of course, there is no reaction.
    The room overflows with emptiness.
    There is an extremely old CRT TV. There’s also a game console, one capable of handling only the simplest of games, not enough to satisfy your boredom. It’s unlikely any guests would ever come, so the cushions on your floor are strewn about haphazardly. Books are situated on a bookshelf at about your height, as if they might have been put there by you — but the dust is so thick that you can’t clearly make out the titles.
    A diary lies abandoned on a desk, the nondescript type of desk you might see in an interview room.
    An extremely charming and soft-looking bed stands in the room.
    As you totter toward the bed, you discover the room’s interior door. But your movement becomes uncertain. It’s as if you’re afraid of something. With a great deal of difficulty, you approach the door and touch it. At that moment, you hang your head as if trying to stave off nausea, and shake it weakly.
  170. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
    “T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
    On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
    I remember.
    Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
    "I..."
    The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
    Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
    “In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
    I named these “Effects.”
    The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
    Just walking around.
    That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
    “For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
    I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
    I cannot understand your feelings.
    “T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
    “That might be true.”
    The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
  171. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
    But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
    Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
    A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
    Another person, connected.
    That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
    That’s the trick.
    At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
    But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
    And then I got sick.
    You.
    You, to whom I never gave a name.
    I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
    However, I cannot touch you.
    Never again, for all eternity.
    You emerged, fell, and died.
    I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
    That is my conjecture.
    My conclusion.
    My interpretation.
    The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
    You’ve gone so far away.
    Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
    I wanted to live my life with you.
    I was supposed to love you.
    All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
    Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
    Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
    But the one who disappeared was you.
    All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
  172. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
    The peak.
    When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
    That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
    However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
    I try over and over.
    Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
    I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
    I suddenly fall into the hole.
    I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
    I stand up.
    There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
    I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
    Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
    I feel like crying.
    I sit up, then stand.
    I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
    Numerous broken machines are kept here.
    They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
    They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
    But, they’re still here.
    I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
    hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
    However—
    I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
    No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
    This is my dream.
    My unconscious.
    Within my mind and heart.
    The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
    I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
    What if that weren’t true?
    What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
    What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
    If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
    In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
    From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
    How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
    But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
    At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
    I was So sorry.
    In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
    Of course, unconsciously.
    But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
    I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
    But you’ve been right here.
    I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
    This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
    It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
    I’m sorry.
    I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
    It’s warm.
    I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
    There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
    Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
    However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
    I will be brave and draw you close.
    I will protect you.
    Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
    I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
    Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
    I will not be in your dream.
    As you will not be in mine.
    Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
    But, I will find you in reality.
    I will hear your first newborn cries.
    You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
    And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
  173. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Ghost Town
  174. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- School
  175. YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- Red School End
  176. Yume Nikki Famicon World
  177. Yume Nikki Seccom Masada
  178. Yume Nikki Madotsuki's Room
  179. Yume Nikki Famtendo
  180. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 1 / Little Room: "You stand in a small room.
    A lonely, dimly lit room, without even the slightest hint of sound......
    You stand stock-still in a daze, as if you haven’t yet grasped the fact that you can move.
    Those childish braids in your hair.
    Your clothes, the raw color of exposed entrails.
    Your head hangs low, keeping your expression out of view."
  181. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 4 / Unforking Road: "You continue walking along like that.
    As if you’re a small child again, being led by the hand through the rain by a parent who has come to pick you up from school. Somehow enjoying yourself. Happily.
    For you, the rain doesn’t seem to be that unpleasant.
    Yet, there is no parent at your side, nor is there anyone at all. All alone, you walk along. The ceaseless rain seems to penetrate the otherwise empty darkness."
  182. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "A younger version of you, losing yourself in playing with someone else. Getting tangled up in each other and falling over, playing around, and hopping all over like animal cubs. Playing house. Hide-and-go-seek. The swing set and slide — light flows all around you and lovely flowers blossom to life."
  183. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "Such a sincere smile. The warmth of holding hands. That feeling of safety embraces you.
    But those are just traces of a long-forgotten past.
    Like the snow that has collected in your palm, they melt through your own warmth, evaporating into thin air."
  184. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "This girl looks a lot like you. However, she’s pretty young. She’s like you, when you were a little girl. Your pure-hearted, innocent self, the self that would roll around and play in the snow, seems to be sleeping here.
    You’ve tucked away your happy childhood for safe-keeping.
    You’ ve put it to sleep and sealed it away.
  185. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
    But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
    Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
    A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
    Another person, connected.
    That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
    That’s the trick.
    At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
    But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
    And then I got sick.
    You.
    You, to whom I never gave a name.
    I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
    However, I cannot touch you.
    Never again, for all eternity.
    You emerged, fell, and died.
    I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
    That is my conjecture.
    My conclusion.
    My interpretation.
    The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
    You’ve gone so far away.
    Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
    I wanted to live my life with you.
    I was supposed to love you.
    All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
    Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
    Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
    But the one who disappeared was you.
    All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
  186. Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
    The peak.
    When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
    That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
    However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
    I try over and over.
    Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
    I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
    I suddenly fall into the hole.
    I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
    I stand up.
    There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
    I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
    Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
    I feel like crying.
    I sit up, then stand.
    I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
    Numerous broken machines are kept here.
    They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
    They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
    But, they’re still here.
    I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
    hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
    However—
    I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
    No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
    This is my dream.
    My unconscious.
    Within my mind and heart.
    The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
    I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
    What if that weren’t true?
    What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
    What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
    If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
    In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
    From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
    How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
    But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
    At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
    I was So sorry.
    In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
    Of course, unconsciously.
    But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
    I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
    But you’ve been right here.
    I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
    This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
    It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
    I’m sorry.
    I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
    It’s warm.
    I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
    There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
    Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
    However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
    I will be brave and draw you close.
    I will protect you.
    Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
    I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
    Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
    I will not be in your dream.
    As you will not be in mine.
    Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
    But, I will find you in reality.
    I will hear your first newborn cries.
    You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
    And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
  187. Yume Nikki Going to Sleep
  188. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
  189. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
  190. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
  191. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
  192. Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9