When I think back to Contra, I'm not just remembering the '80s. I'm remembering that time in the 2000s when I was remembering the '80s. It's a memory that's been photocopied countless times. It's been through many filters and distortions. There's even major holes when I forgot about Contra for a bit. You know what happened to my original cartridge? I sold it. I sold it. Some time after the N64 came out, I took a handful of my games and I brought them over to the local FuncoLand. They offered me 7 bucks for Contra, and I accepted. You know what I did with that 7 bucks? Went over to the deli, and bought a sandwich. To this day, I'll never remember any details of that sandwich. Did it, um, have lettuce? Uh... was it any good? I don't know. Today, if you were to ask me "hey, you remember that sandwich?", I'd say, "I don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about." But Contra... that sticks with me. And even if I had to part with it for a while, sometimes you have to temporarily forget about something, before you fall in love with it again. And when you come back to it... it's the same as it was. Even though everything else has changed. Life has changed. The world has changed. But sealed in that plastic slab, is a time capsule of your youth, fossilized in ROM data on a circuit board. It's read-only memory, the type that doesn't change. As soon as you pop that fucker in your NES, you're back. You're back... to an innocent summer day, with no such thing as Internet. Instead, you and your friends are running around with Nerf guns and Super Soakers, pretending you're the guys from Contra. You're standing on a swing, holding on to its chains, like a ladder of a helicopter. Ya jump off, rolling into the grass, the jungle. If it's not that, you're setting up GI Joe figures in the mud, to stage epic battles. That skill you had, of creating a fantasy land out of nothing, that wild imagination and backyard adventure was fueled by those pixelated military dudes blasting away alien creatures and robots. That's what Contra's all about. And, maybe, you lost touch with those old friends, but when you play that game once more, ya think of them again. And maybe, just maybe, somewhere, in some part of the world... they're remembering it too. Almost as if they're still sitting on the living room floor beside you. And maybe ya had a grandparent, or family member who you lost, and they're still watching ya play. Even as strangers, we can have a shared connection of talking about old games, and... that is nothing to be angry about. That joy in its simplest form comes down to simply asking someone, "hey, remember Contra?" And the answer... is "fuck yeah!"
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~ The Nerd's thoughts on Contra in his Contra video
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This game sucks...
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~ The Nerd's first spoken words
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What were they thinking?!
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~ The Nerd's famous quote whenever the gaming developers game he's reviewing does a questionable decision
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ASSSS!
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Wow, look at how "bad-ass" this game is. Yeah, this is the hot shit right here. You'd be so cool going around wearing this thing. Yeah, you'd be walking around school, and you got this on and everybody else is talking about what the new hot game system is gonna be. Nintendo 64? The bit wars? 64 bits. 32 bits. 16 bits. 8 bits. 4 bits! 2 BITS! 1 BIT! HALF BIT!QUARTER BIT!THE WRIST GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!
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~ The Nerd reacting to the Tiger Electronic wrist game
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WHO'S GONNA DODGE THAT!? NOBODY! NOT THE FIRST TIME!
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~ The Nerd reacting to the first second of playing Star Evil in Action 52
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Cowa-fuckin' piece of dog shit!
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~ The Nerd during the review of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on NES
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He's gonna take you back to the past
To play the shitty games that suck ass
He'd rather have a buffalo
Take a diarrhea dump in his ear
He'd rather eat the rotten asshole
Of a road killed skunk and down it with beer
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd
He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd
He's the Angry Video Game Nerd
When you turn on your TV
Make sure it's tuned to channel three
He's got a nerdy shirt and a pocket pouch
Although I've never seen him write anything down
He's got a Power Glove and a filthy mouth
Armed with his Zapper he will tear these games down
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd
He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd
He's the Angry Video Game Nerd
He plays the worst games of all time
Horrible abominations of mankind
They make him so mad he can spit
Or say cowabunga, Cowa-fuckin'-piece'a dog shit
They rip you off and don't care one bit
But this nerd, he doesn't forget it
Why can't a turtle swim? Why can't I land the plane?
They got a quick buck for this shitload of fuck
The characters names are wrong. Why's the password so long?
Why don't the weapons do anything?
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
These games suck so bad, he makes up his own words
He's the angriest most pissed off gaming nerd
He's the Angry... Atari Amiga CDi Colecovision Intellivision Sega Neo Geo Turbo Grafix 16 Odyssey 3DO Commodore Nintendo
Nerd
He's The Angry Video Game Nerd
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~ His theme
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Breath of the Wild 2 will be MID. ARGHHHHH!
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~ The Nerd's opinion on BOTW 2 after being asked by Plainrock124 at PAX East
The Nerd (Also known as The Angry Video Game Nerd, AVGN for short, formerly the Angry Nintendo Nerd, often abbreviated as simply Nerd, and the Fucking Nerd) is the titular protagonist of the Angry Video Game Nerd web series, portrayed and created by James Rolfe.
In most episodes he reviews a different variety of video games he considers poorly made, he does this by complaining and overreacting while often shouting and swearing at the graphics, controls, difficulty, music, quality, or gameplay.
Since episode 25 of the Board James series, many viewers believe that the AVGN and Board James character are the same person, however, James Rolfe has said that he sees the two characters as separate existences rather than Board James' split personality.
Statistics
Key:Regular | Episode 100 Super Suit
Tier:9-B, higher with the Power Glove, 2-C with the prayers of all his fans | High 8-C
Name: The Nerd
Origin: The Angry Video Game Nerd
Sex: Male
Age: 41
Classification: Video game reviewer, The Angry Video Game Nerd, The Nintendo Nerd, The Atari Sega Nerd, The Angry Atari Amiga CDi Colecovision Intellivision Sega Neo Geo Turbo Grafix 16 Odyssey 3DO Commodore Nintendo Nerd
Range:Standard Melee Range, Kilometers with NES Accessories (The NES Zapper is treated the same as a real gun, which should give it the same range), High Multiversal with Dimensional Travel (Could dimension hop within a reality of infinite dimensions)
Standard Tactics: AVGN in most of his battles will mainly go into hand to hand combat, he will also use abilities relevant to what he's recently played. He will also sometimes in battle use his equipment. If the enemy is too strong, he will use the super suit.
Weaknesses: The Nerd can get angry incredibly easily, even to people being nice to him. He has a similar PTSD-like response to the games Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde & ET for the Atari 2600.
