Poniko

Background

Poniko (ポニ子, "Ponytail girl") is a NPC in Yume Nikki, and a character residing in the Pink Sea. She has blonde hair tied in a ponytail, blue eyes, and rosy cheeks. She wears a green long-sleeve shirt, a checkered brown skirt, and red shoes resembling Madotsuki's own footwear. Her gaze is often directed to her left, giving her an annoyed or dismissive appearance.

Poniko lives alone in a conical house on a southern island within the Pink Sea. Much like Madotsuki, she is the only inhabitant of her space. In her room, she wanders aimlessly and does not react when interacted with normally, though she responds to the Knife and Stoplight effects. Using the Cat effect causes her to perform a small stomping animation.

If Madotsuki interacts with the light switch in Poniko's room, there is a 1/64 chance that the room will transform. Poniko will disappear, replaced by Uboa. Approaching Uboa will result in Madotsuki being transported to Uboa's Trap.

Uboa (ウボァ) is a character that appears in Poniko's Room in the Pink Sea during a specific event. It has a round, black form with a white face. Its standard appearance features a smiling face with one squinting eye and a resting eye with a visible crack. Upon interaction or when encountered in Uboa's Trap, its appearance changes to a distorted face with smaller eyes, nostrils, and what may resemble lips or rows of teeth.

Uboa only manifests once its event is triggered. To initiate this, the player must visit Poniko's House in the Pink Sea and toggle the light switch near the door. If the room simply darkens without any change to Poniko, Madotsuki must leave, re-enter, and try again. The event has a 1/64 chance of activating, transforming the room into a twisted version of its original form, replacing Poniko with Uboa.

Once Uboa is present, Madotsuki is unable to leave the room or turn the lights back on. Attempting to flip the switch results in a white screen flash. Interacting with Uboa transports the player to Uboa's Trap, a looping section of the White Desert. This unsettling area is characterized by pools of white liquid and a massive, bleeding figure holding melting mountains in the background. Uboa also appears in its distorted form here. The only means of escape from Uboa's Trap are to pinch Madotsuki awake or use the Medamaude effect.

This dropdown contains Different Interpretations from Official Media. Read at your own risk as you may be spoiled otherwise!
Manga Interpretation Novel Interpretation Chapter 4: Global Search Madotsuki continues to run through the Dense Woods, this time on the Infinite Road inhabited by Floyag. She realizes she has looped back to Shitai-san and lies back down on the ground in frustration, wondering how to get rid of the Stoplight effect. She turns and suddenly notices a disc on the floor with an umbrella symbol. She steps on the disc, instantly giving her the Umbrella effect. She spots another disc and steps on it, transforming her back into a stoplight. Now realizing how to swap her effects, she returns to normal and pinches herself awake, realizing that her task may be easier now that she knows how the effects are controlled. She falls asleep again and returns to the Nexus before realizing the Umbrella and Stoplight discs have vanished. She also finds that the design on her shirt has changed to resemble a window with an eye on it, now rumbling on her outfit. The design opens up like a box, revealing the effect discs to Madotsuki. She stores the discs inside of her clothing design, as well as takes back the Hat & Scarf and Frog effects, before heading into Snow World. Upon entering the freezing world, Madotsuki equips the Hat & Scarf effect, comforted by its warmness. She passed a friendly Toriningen while thinking of the effects as friends. Spotting an igloo, she rushes over to it and finds a small puddle inside. A large hand reaches from the puddle and drags her in, taking her to an island in the Pink Sea. Madotsuki is initially discouraged after not finding the effect in Snow World, though she instead spots a balloon on another island. Using the Frog effect, she swims across the sea and grabs the balloon, taking her to a larger island in the Pink Sea. The balloon descends as Madotsuki thanks it, now switching from the Frog effect to the Umbrella effect as she enters a larger building made of coral. Inside, she is surprised at the sight of a seemingly normal person: Poniko. Chapter 5: Anger Wondering if Poniko will be her friend, Madotsuki looks around, complimenting Poniko's cute room and clothes. She attempts to speak to Poniko, though she suddenly transforms into Uboa in front of her. The room completely changes as Uboa snatches Madotsuki's umbrella from her hands. She demands it back, though Uboa hits her over the head with it before proceeding to beat her with the umbrella. With Madotsuki beaten and on the floor, Uboa reaches out with its mouth and surrounds Madotsuki's head while reaching out a hand into her shirt design. The design opens as Uboa steals the effect discs. Madotsuki once again asks for the effect back, though Uboa reaches out to her with a large hand, smothering her face until she sinks through the floor. Madotsuki sinks through the floor of Poniko's room, falling into a goo-like substance in Uboa's Trap. She immediately wakes up to escape the trap, traumatized by the event. In anger, she stabs her pen through her dream diary and exacts to kill Uboa. Madotsuki returns to the Nexus in search of a weapon. She decides between the doors to Eyeball World and Shield-Folk World before feeling that the door to Dark World is special. She enters into the darkness and searches, eventually finding and collecting the Knife effect. While Madotsuki heads back for the Nexus, the ink from her pen begins to flow out onto the diary. As she enters the Nexus, the ink spurts and Madotsuki begins to lose her thoughts, forgetting what room Uboa was in and eventually forgetting that she is inside the dream world. The ink from Madotsuki's pen begins to leak onto the pages of the diary, then onto the desk, and finally overflowing onto the room's floor as the words "Help me stop her from waking" appear in the diary. Chapter 6: Confusion The ink from the dream diary continues to overflow, forming a large puddle on the floor that begins to bubble and morph. A figure begins to form from the ink, manifesting into Seccom Masada-sensei. Finding the pen stabbed into the diary, Masada neatly arranges the pen back next to the diary before looking over at Madotsuki, stuck in the dream world. Masada enters the bed with Madotsuki, falling asleep alongside her to enter the dream world and pursue her. Upon entering the Nexus, Masada finds it ruined and in disarray. Masada reaches into his chest, pulling out an effect tab that summons an organ that he plays to summon a large Paracas figure from the Nexus. He asks them where Madotsuki went before they point to the Eyeball World door. Masada pulls another effect from his chest, this time a knife, which he uses to stab the Eyeball World’s door while remembering various other girls who became lost in the dream world, them being Monoko, Monoe, Kamakurako, and Mafurako. Masada eventually travels to Witch’s Island where many of the dream world’s aspects, characters, and structures have been strewn about the trees as the dream world collapses. Along the boardwalk of the island, many dead Nopperabou Witches can be seen, slowly revealing that Madotsuki is the one killing them. Madotsuki turns to face Masada, now with her face contorted to resemble Uboa. Now confronted with Masada, she realizes that he was the one to lock her in her room. Meanwhile, in the Nexus, Poniko jumps from one of the doors and pulls out the effects she stole from Madotsuki as Uboa, realizing that now is the time to escape the dream world. Chapter 7: Mood Change Deep within Mars, Mars-san keeps watch of a machine as it begins to overheat and burn before announcing that a system failure is imminent due to the dream world's collapse. In the Nexus, Poniko uses her stolen effects to form a set of stairs, which she uses to reach the floating door to Madotsuki’s Room. Meanwhile, on the Witch’s Island, Madotsuki dumps one of the Nopperabou Witch's bodies into the water, which begins to froth and bubble into a foamy, white liquid. She approaches Masada with the Knife, suddenly lunging as Masada keeps her back with his hand. He notices a lump growing from Madotsuki’s ear, which begins to grow and morph around Madotsuki’s body. Masada recalls a similar occurrence with Poniko, which caused her to have her Uboa form. Seeing the lump and not wanting another Uboa to form, Masada uses his knife to cut the boardwalk to isolate Madotsuki before attempting to stab Madotsuki, only to be impaled by an umbrella. Masada awakens and it is revealed that Poniko, as Uboa, was the one who stabbed Masada with the umbrella. The lump forming around Madotsuki slowly cracks away as she returns to normal, no longer resembling Uboa. She pinches her cheek to wake up, revisiting the strange message left in her diary. Chapter 8: Give and Take Uboa confronts Masada in Madotsuki’s Room. Masada questions how Poniko was able to reach him before she reveals it was by using various effects. Realizing her rogue nature and the fact that Poniko was able to begin collecting effects, Masada realizes she is much more of a threat. Uboa demands that Masada obey them, to which Masada refuses, only to once again be stabbed with the umbrella. Uboa decides they will go to see Masada’s “boss” about the collapsing dream world as they transform back into Poniko, continuing to violently attack Masada with the umbrella before decapitating him and carrying his still-sentient head with her. In Madotsuki’s Room, Madotsuki reencounters the message written in her diary and replies to it by writing below it. She writes that she prefers to continue cutting, causing a disturbance as Mars-san questions the response. Poniko, carrying Masada's head, talks to him and reveals that she made the giant hand traps leading to the Dense Woods and the Pink Sea to kill time. Masada realizes that Poniko is much more intelligent than once thought and realizes he failed to properly hide the effects to keep Poniko isolated. Inside the ruined Nexus, the gate from the Forest World appears as entities spill out into the Nexus. Arms, Zippertiles, and lunatic Toriningen fill the Nexus, attempting to fix it and deeming Madotsuki a dream destroyer due to her violent nature. Madotsuki simply spins in her chair and writes again in her diary, asking where the exit to her room is. Realizing Mars-san will not respond, she heads back to sleep and returns to a ruined Nexus now filled with dream world denizens. She begins stabbing the Wheelies to satisfy her violent intentions, only to be caught by a Toriningen that sends her to Hell. Madotsuki, however, simply wakes up and returns to sleep, reentering the Nexus and continuing her killing spree. Poniko and Masada reach the end of the Staircase of Hands and extinguish the flames in Underground World, passing by a Mouth Monster in the process. Poniko confronts Mars-san, Masada’s boss. Mars-san decides to grant Poniko the ability to start over her life in the dream, though only in exchange for terminating the violent Madotsuki. Chapter 9: Entertainer Mars-san urges Poniko to kill Madotsuki, revealing that Madotsuki is the "sixth" dreamer in the line. Despite Mars-san's command, Poniko resists and instead chooses to stab Madotsuki's dream diary on the desk. Masada, now a design on Poniko's shirt, expresses disbelief and questions her actions, warning that her decision might collapse the dream world. Poniko explains that she wants to return to the real world, but on her own terms, without following the system of trauma reliving through dreams and effects. As Poniko reveals her plan, a monster resembling a Henkei Shita emerges from Madotsuki's window, threatening the dream world. Masada, panicking, claims the creature will destroy everything. Poniko brushes him off, revealing she still holds all the effects since the dream world is shared. To exit, she must leave the effects in the Nexus, where the stairs will appear. However, as Poniko opens the door to Madotsuki’s room, the creature attacks, grabbing Poniko and causing the effects to scatter. The creature, still retaining Madotsuki's memories, remembers Poniko’s past actions and consumes her in revenge. Masada, witnessing the chaos, realizes the effects are good memories that can combat the creature’s destructive power. He uses the Stoplight effect to regain his legs and confront the creature, kicking the effects into its mouth. The creature consumes the memories, and in a burst, it explodes, leaving the effects to fall into the Nexus, transforming into eggs. With the effects restored, the Stoplight effect fades from Masada, and his disembodied head remains in Madotsuki's room as the door closes. Madotsuki awakens to see Masada’s head in her room, startling her. Masada reassures her that she is still in a dream and that something significant has occurred outside. Madotsuki exits to find stairs leading from her balcony, signaling the end of her dream journey. Poniko is the main protagonist of the novel adaptation of Yume Nikki, called Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream. At first, she acts solely as the narrator to Madotsuki's progress through the dream world, but soon after she meets up with her, the focus shifts to her quest to discover the reason behind her presence in Madotsuki's dream, as well as how to escape it and to help Madotsuki get over whatever trauma is causing those dreams. However, it is interpreted later on that Madotsuki may not be the dreamer, but instead she is sharing the dreams with Poniko's own dreams. Specifically, Poniko interprets it as Madotsuki is the representation of her expected child. The true nature of the real world is never seen, but it is implied that Poniko's worry over her child's safety created the dream world she is trapped in.

Name Meaning

Poniko's name is a fanon given name as she has no official name in-game. Her name is the Japanese term for "Ponytail girl".

Appearance

Looks:

Poniko is a young girl with a distinct appearance, characterized by her blonde hair styled into a neat ponytail. Her facial features include rosy cheeks and striking blue eyes. Notably, her gaze is consistently directed to her left, often giving her an expression that appears annoyed, dismissive, or disinterested. This subtle detail in her demeanor adds to her enigmatic presence.

Regular Clothes:

She wears a green long-sleeved shirt, which contrasts with her fair complexion and blonde hair. Her outfit is completed with a brown checkered skirt, adding a touch of simplicity to her overall look. Her style is modest and practical, reflecting a casual appearance.

Special Clothes:

Poniko’s footwear consists of red shoes that bear a striking resemblance to those worn by Madotsuki. While their significance is never explicitly addressed, the similarity may symbolize a connection or parallel between the two characters. Despite her otherwise plain attire, this small detail adds an intriguing layer to her visual identity.

Looks:

Uboa is a round, amorphous figure that appears as a black mass with an unsettling white face. Its face is its most recognizable feature, with a distorted, unnatural expression. In its normal state, Uboa’s face bears a lopsided smile, with its left eye squinting and its right eye resting open. A jagged crack runs above the right eye, adding to its eerie appearance.

Regular Clothes:

Uboa does not wear clothes, as it is a surreal and monstrous entity with no clear physical form.

Special Clothes:

When interacted with or encountered in Uboa’s Trap, its facial features undergo a disturbing transformation. Its face contorts into a grotesque version of itself, with smaller, more unsettling eyes, exaggerated nostrils, and an ambiguous mouth that could be interpreted as either lips or jagged rows of teeth. This nightmarish alteration amplifies its horrifying presence, making it a strikingly memorable figure in the unsettling world of Yume Nikki.

Personality

From the game

Potentially Easily Annoyed: Poniko seems to have an annoyed expression on her face when Madotsuki meets her, though she does let Madotsuki travel around her room.

Likes to be Alone: Poniko is the only character within the Pink Sea and is confined to her room. Given her facial expression, she seems quite annoyed when anyone enters her room as she may wish to be left alone. Due to this, one could interpret the Uboa transformation as a way to scare off or send away people bothering her, as interacting with Uboa sends Madotsuki into an infinitely looping White Dessert^[1]. Along with this, she doesn't interact with Madotsuki when Madotsuki does enter her room, and merely walks around.

In the Manga Interpretation

Admired Figure: When Madotsuki first encounters Poniko, she views her with admiration, wondering if Poniko will be her friend and complimenting her fashion. This initial perception suggests that Poniko leaves a positive impression, evoking curiosity and hope for companionship. This could extend to how many view Poniko outside of just Madotsuki.

Malicious and Cruel: Poniko's demeanor shifts drastically when she transforms into Uboa, an unsettling figure that haunts Madotsuki. As Uboa, she shows no remorse, attacking Madotsuki, stealing her effects, and trapping her in a nightmarish state. Her actions highlight a vicious and unforgiving nature.

Vengeful and Determined: During the story's climax, Poniko uses Madotsuki's stolen powers to confront Seccom Masada-sensei, beheading him as Uboa and bringing his remains to Mars-san. This act demonstrates a ruthless resolve and willingness to carry out extreme measures.

Self-Sacrificing: Despite her aggressive actions, Poniko ultimately chooses to save both herself and Madotsuki. Rather than pursuing further violence, she destroys Madotsuki's dream diary with the Knife effect, collapsing the dream world to put an end to the cycle of violence.

Relationships

Madotsuki

From the game
Poniko's relationship with Madotsuki varies greatly on interpretation, in the base game, going off scene alone there is not much to gather from both of their relationship as Poniko just seems to be another NPC. It could be gathered from her annoyed expression that she may not like people entering her room, though she allows Madotsuki to walk around and explore it. Another point is the Uboa event, this could be interpreted as Madotsuki annoying her by repeatedly turning the lights on and off which makes her enter her Uboa state.

From the Manga Interpretation
Madotsuki initially admires Poniko upon their first encounter, expressing curiosity about whether Poniko will become her friend and complimenting her appearance. This admiration quickly turns to fear and resentment when Poniko transforms into Uboa and relentlessly attacks her. By attacking Madotsuki, stealing her effects, and trapping her in a nightmarish state, Poniko cements herself as a threatening and malicious figure in Madotsuki's mind.

As the story progresses, their relationship becomes even more complex. After using Madotsuki's stolen powers to attack Seccom Masada-sensei, Poniko is tasked with exterminating Madotsuki. However, instead of following through with this violent act, she chooses a different path. By destroying Madotsuki's dream diary, Poniko sacrifices the dream world to free both herself and Madotsuki from their destructive cycle. She notes to do this because she doesn't "want to be leave the dream world as a 'good girl'".

Despite this act, Madotsuki’s lingering hatred manifests in the form of a monstrous figure that ultimately consumes Poniko.

From the Novel Interpretation
Initially, Poniko serves as the narrator of Madotsuki's journey through the dream world, acting as an observer and guide to her progress. However, once Poniko encounters Madotsuki, the focus shifts from Madotsuki's journey to Poniko's own quest for understanding. Poniko becomes determined to uncover the reason for her presence in Madotsuki's dream and seeks a way to escape. As the story unfolds, it is revealed that Madotsuki is not the dreamer but rather another dream character within Poniko’s own subconscious mind. Madotsuki exists as Poniko's shadow, representing the manifestation of Poniko's unborn child, an embodiment of her maternal fears and anxieties. The true nature of the real world is never explicitly shown, but it becomes clear that Poniko's concern for the safety of her child created the dream world as a form of mental escape. This revelation adds depth to their relationship, as it is not just a matter of Poniko trying to help Madotsuki, but rather Poniko trying to overcome her own fears and trauma associated with the unknown future of her child.

General Information

Name: Poniko

Other Names: Uboa

Origin: Yume Nikki

First Appearance: Yume Nikki

Company: Kadokawa Game Studio

Creator: Kikiyama

Sex: Female

Sexuality: Unknown

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: Unknown (Poniko's age is never directly stated or known, along with a large lack of knowing if she is truly just a dream resident or another dreamer, the most that can be inferred is she is likely around Madotsuki's age in most interpretations)

Time Period: Unknown, likely early 2000s (As the game was made in 2004, and many locales in the dream world are more modern for the early 2000s)

Timeline: Main Timeline

Homeworld: Earth

Residence: Pink Sea, Dream World

Story Role: NPC, Antagonist (In the manga), Protagonist (In the light novel)

Legacy: Unknown Legacy

Influence: Unknown Influence

Language: Unknown

Ethnicity: Unknown

Religion: Unknown

Classification: "Bad Girl"^[2]^[3]^[4]^[5]^[6]^[7]

Species: Possibly Human

State of Being: Varies on interpretation, Mental Construct in the dream entity interpretation (Poniko is merely a part of Madotsuki's dream), Regular in the Manga Interpretation (In the manga interpretation Poniko is one of the many "bad girls" brough to the dream world to be converted into "good girls") & Light Novel Interpretation (The Light Novel takes a different interpretation where Poniko is interprets that she is the dreamer in this take instead of Madotsuki, constantly trying to chase after and talk to Madotsuki^[8]. Poniko interprets this as Madotsuki was her child that she had a miscarriage with^[9]. At the end of the novel Poniko furthers the assumption that in a way the newborn and her are sharing the same dream somehow and she has been keeping her locked away within this dream and is finally ready to embrace her^[10])

Physiology: Possibly Humanoid Physiology as Poniko, Monster Physiology as Uboa

In-Universe Creator: Madotsuki in the dream entity interpretation, Unknown in the Manga Interpretation & Light Novel Interpretation

Occupation: None

Affiliations: Madotsuki (In the light novel interpretation)

Enemies: Madotsuki (In the manga interpretation)

Height: Unkown

Weight: Unknown

Status: Unknown, potentially Alive in the Light Novels Interpretation (The Light Novel takes a different interpretation where Poniko is interprets that she is the dreamer in this take instead of Madotsuki, constantly trying to chase after and talk to Madotsuki^[11]. Poniko interprets this as Madotsuki was her child that she had a miscarriage with^[12]. At the end of the novel Poniko furthers the assumption that in a way the newborn and her are sharing the same dream somehow and she has been keeping her locked away within this dream and is finally ready to embrace her^[13])

Alignment: Varies depending on interpretation, Unaligned in the dream entity interpretation (Some interpret Poniko as merely a dream entity within Madotsuki's dream, where in this case she has no true alignment as she is not a being with any true conscious mind), Neutral Evil in the Manga Interpretation (In the manga, Poniko is very hostile, attacking Madotsuki when she first meets her^[14], wanting to escape the dreams and does not want to become one of the "good girls"^[15]^[16]^[17]^[18]^[19]. Awakened the pure inner evil within Madotsuki, with Poniko being noted as a "smart, evil one"^[20])

Threat Level: Mental Threat In the Manga Interpretation (Awakened the pure inner evil within Madotsuki, with Poniko being noted as a "smart, evil one"^[21]. Where it was noted that it would consume everything in the dream world^[22]^[23], this included the other dreamers^[24])

Codex Statistics

Statistics Information: The following are statistics covering Poniko, who is either a dream world entity or one that entered into a dream world. This falls under the Pseudo-Tiering System and these stats do not replicate what she can do outside of this dream.

Grade: A

Pseudo-Tier: 10-B, 9-C with Knife

Cardinality: Finite

Dimensionality: 3-D

Power Source: Different Effects (Can transform herself into different objects by using effects along with gaining different abilities with some effects^[25])

Attack Potency: Average Human level (Poniko is just a girl within a dream), Bone level with Knife

Durability: Average Human level

Striking Strength: Average Human Class

Lifting Strength: Average Human Class

Travel Speed: Regular Human Speed

Attack Speed: Regular Human Speed

Reaction Speed: Regular Human Reactions

Stamina: Unknown

Range: Standard Melee, Extended Melee with Knife. At least Kilomters with Weather Manipulation (With the Umbrella, summons an entire rainstorm no matter where she is^[26], this can also be used to take out massive fires^[27])

Intelligence: Unknown Intelligence

Knowledge: Unknown level

Powers and Techniques

Weapon Usage (Unique Weaponry; In the manga, Poniko uses the umbrella to stab Mars-san^[28]. Knife Usage; In the manga, Poniko can use a knife to attack with^[29]), Preparation (Poniko has been setting up traps to get the other dreamers and take their effects^[30]), Lucid Dreaming (In the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, Poniko is revealed to be the one dreaming the dream world^[31] and the doctor notes that she is able to share her dreams in great detail, more then many other people can^[32]), Cosmic Awareness (In the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, Poniko is revealed to be the one narrating Madotsuki's journey through the novel, watching her every move^[33]), Dimensional Storage (In the manga, able to pull out items from her chest^[34]), Immortality (Dream Immortality; Regardless of the interpretation, Poniko is an entity within the dream world, even when killed by Madotsuki^[35], will always return when Madotsuki re-enters the room^[36]), Acausality (Irregular Causality, Contradictive; In the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, the dream world runs under a switched cause and effect due to the various Effects of Madotsuki^[37]. This is further confirmed by Poniko in the novel, who notes that in the dream world rain falls after Madotsuki opens her umbrella, cause and effect are swapped, because it's all a dream^[38]), Transformation (Sometimes when Madotsuki turns off the lights in Poniko's room, she will transform into Uboa^[39]. This is further supported by the manga where she directly transforms into Uboa^[40]), Battlefield Removal (Application Based; Walking into Uboa sends Madotsuki into Uboa's Trap, a looping area in the White Desert^[41]. In the manga, Poniko in her Uboa form sends Madotsuki into the White Desert^[42]), Reality Warping (Upon transforming into Uboa, the entire room changes along with the background outside the window^[43]. Upon transforming into Uboa, makes Madotsuki unable to leave the room^[44]), Vibration Manipulation (Upon transforming into Uboa, the entire room starts shaking^[45]), Technology Manipulation (The light can no longer turn back on while Uboa is present in the room^[46]), Instant Death (In Yume Nikki -Dream Diary-, Madotsuki with the Mask of Fear can kill enemies nearby^[47], where the Mask of Fear is just Poniko's, Uboa Mask^[48]), Perception Manipulation & Fear Manipulation (In Yume Nikki -Dream Diary-, Madotsuki with the Mask of Fear can send fear into targets just from wearing it, causing a massive distortion in the area^[49], where the Mask of Fear is just Poniko's, Uboa Mask^[50]).

Resistance to Temperature Manipulation (In the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, it is mentioned that one cannot feel hot or cold because it's a dream^[51])

In the manga^[52], Poniko steals all of Madotsuki's effects^[53], which includes:

Aquatic Adaptation (With the frog effect, can traverse aquatic terrain^[54]), Heat Manipulation (With the hat and scarf, can keep Madotsuki warm in a cold blizzard, despite just being a hat and a scarf^[55]), Weather Manipulation (With the Umbrella effect, causes a rain storm when she opens the umbrella^[56]), Mind Manipulation (With the traffic light effect^[57], can force most NPCs to stop in place by switching her light to red^[58]), Causality Manipulation (In the novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, Madotsuki's effects switch cause and effect, such as the existence of the Umbrella has a casual link to causing it to rain^[59]. This is further confirmed by Poniko in the novel, who notes that in the dream world rain falls after Madotsuki opens her umbrella, cause and effect are swapped, because it's all a dream^[60])

Equipment

Effects

Effects are the main source of items in Yume Nikki, in the novel, Poniko names them these as they are items in the dreams that leave an impression on the dreamer, dripping with significance and essentially leaving an "Effect" on them^[61], effects naturally reverse causality and circumvent logic as well^[62]^[63].

Frog (かえる）

Transform into a frog.

Appearance: Poniko morphs into a humanoid frog, taking on a hunched posture, moving in a distinct, amphibious manner.

Passive Effect: Poniko walks at a normal pace through water, making aquatic areas easier to navigate.

Action: (1) Poniko hops in place like a frog, giving a lively and playful vibe to her movements.

Location: Found in Forest World or Dense Woods B (Frog Path) by interacting with the Frog.

Practical Uses: - Speed up travel across the Pink Sea and Uboa's Trap. - Can also be replaced by the Bicycle, though the frog form gives a more natural feel when moving through water.

Umbrella （かさ）

Use an umbrella.

Appearance: Poniko holds a vibrant red umbrella, adding a splash of color to her otherwise muted world.

Passive Effect: The umbrella creates a constant rainstorm until unequipped, accompanied by thunder and lightning when the Demon effect is activated.

Action: (1) Poniko spins the umbrella gracefully, a fun and soothing action that matches the calming sound of rain.

Location: Pick it up from the ground in Puddle World.

Practical Uses: - Can be used to douse the flames in the Blazing Corridor, similar to the Yuki-onna effect. - Stop the rain in Dense Woods A by equipping and unequipping.

Hat and Scarf / Hat & Scarf（ぼうしとマフラー）

Wear a hat and scarf.

Appearance: Poniko dons a cozy hat and scarf, giving her an adorable snowman-like look when transformed.

Passive Effect: In snowman form, Poniko cannot pinch herself awake due to a lack of arms, and her movement is halved.

Action: (1) Transforms into a snowman when the weather turns snowy, adding a fun and thematic element to the environment.

Location: Find it in Block World - Pick it up from the ground.

Practical Uses: - While in snowman form, interacting with Mafurako ensures a quick teleport back to her side, saving time on exploration. - In the Blazing Corridor, standing too close to fire will melt Madotsuki, immobilizing her and creating an interesting dynamic.

Knife / Kitchen Knife（ほうちょう）

Equip a kitchen knife.

Appearance: Poniko wields a sharp kitchen knife, creating a sense of danger and intrigue.

Passive Effect: Mobile NPCs flee in terror, while stationary characters exhibit rapid movements, as if in panic.

Action:

(1) Poniko switches the knife between her hands.
(Z) Poniko stabs with the knife, causing various reactions in characters, such as:
- Toriningen: Turns into a 'lunatic' form and starts chasing Poniko.
- Mars-san: Eye color changes, small wound on its foot.
- Onsen-san: Stops drinking water and changes color.
- Pain Blob: Reveals its face.
- The Eye Box: 1 in 30 chance of taking you to the Eye People section.
- Henkei Shita: 1 in 256 chance of transporting Madotsuki to Footprint Path A.

Location: Found in Dark World - Pick it up from the ground.

Practical Uses: - Use it for killing or wounding NPCs. - Scare NPCs to clear the way. - Interact with environmental objects. - Collect money by eliminating NPCs. - Unlock new areas or access hidden paths. - Useful for clearing out the Stabbing Room.

Stoplight / Traffic Light （しんごう）

Become a stoplight / Change into a traffic light.

Appearance: Poniko transforms into a stoplight.

Passive Effect:

Cannot pinch herself awake due to lack of arms.

Action:

(1) Switches stoplight between green (go) and red (stop).

Location:

Dense Woods B (The Road) – Interact with Shitai-san.

Practical Uses: When the light is red:

All NPCs freeze, useful for avoiding Toriningen or catching fast-moving characters.
Some NPC appearances change:
- Monoko: Transforms into her five-armed state. Unlocks her full-screen event upon interaction.
- Mafurako: Becomes fully visible.
- Steve 'Leif' Kareha: Closes his eyes.
- Wheelies: Changes appearance.
- The Thing with the Quivering Jaw: Its jaw stops quivering.
- KyuuKyuu-kun: Stops rubbing the stairway baluster.

Notable Techniques

Uboa: A transformation Poniko can take, in the manga interpretation the Uboa transformation is a result of the girls wanting to be let out, creating an unsightly lump to appear around them, eventually fully forming over them as they do not accept the changes of the dream world^[64]. In media like -Dream Diary-, her Uboa form can kill those that try to attack her^[65], and send fear into the targets while distorting the area^[66].

Other

Standard Tactics

Dream Entiy Interpretation: Poniko does nothing unless Madotsuki keeps flicking the lights off and on, presumably annoying her to the point where she transforms into Uboa. By this point, they make leaving impossible without directly walking into them.
Manga Interpreation: Poniko will set out traps and steal effects from other dreams, along with using the umbrella and knife as her primary ways of attacking.

Weaknesses

Dream Denizens Weaknesses (If using the Dream Entity Interpretation): Dream Denizens cannot enter into the other worlds within the dream^[67]^[68].
Unique Weaknesses: Nothing notable.

Note

While it is never outright confirmed in the game that Uboa and Poniko are the same being, the fact that Uboa pops up in her spot and does not appear if she is killed makes it heavily likely that they are the same person.
While a large amount of characters names from Yume Nikki are fanon names as they have no official names, we shall use the fan names on their pages as they are already ingrained and well known enough in the community along with them not having an actual official name in the first place. For example, characters such as Poniko and Uboa.

Gallery

Yume Nikki I Am Not in Your Dream Page 106
Yume Nikki I Am Not in Your Dream Page 166

Trivia

Due to the nature of Uboa's event and the disturbing appearance of the character itself, Uboa is often hailed as one of the reasons Yume Nikki grew in popularity in the West. Uboa saw heavy usage in Internet memes and edits during the early 2000s shortly after the character's discovery, typically depicting the character in a more humorous fashion.
- Due to its popularity, Uboa's character and event are commonly parodied or imitated in various Yume Nikki fangames. The character itself has also gone on to make cameos in various Internet media and appears to have inspired the designs of characters such as the Mystery Man from Undertale and White Face from IMSCARED: A Pixelated Nightmare.
The sound effect that plays when the player touches Uboa is the same one as when a Toriningen traps the player.

The empty Uboa event if Poniko is killed first.

If Poniko is killed using the Knife effect before triggering the Uboa event, then Uboa will not appear in the room. Due to this, the two can be inferred to be the same character and Uboa is simply an alternate form or appearance of Poniko (or vice-versa).
- Uboa also appears in the exact location Poniko was before the lights are switched.
Uboa will not appear if Poniko is killed. This forces Madotsuki to pinch herself awake or use the Medamaude effect.
The background noise that plays when Uboa appears is the same as the music for Guillotine World slowed down by half.
Uboa's name originated from a 2channel post describing how to activate Uboa's event. The initial post simply reads the instructions to activate the event before adding "ウボァー" to express the shock the event may give the player.
The phrase or "scream" used to express the event in the post references a line of dialogue from the character Emperor Mateus from Final Fantasy II, with the phrase also being a 2channel meme at the time of the post's creation.
Additionally, the characters that make up Uboa's name (ウボァ) do not normally go together in Japanese, with the effect of the name being similar to Cthulhu or Astfgl in its "wrongness".
In the manga, Uboa is given a ponytail and movable arms, likely to more closely resemble Poniko. Its body is also much more blanket-like, sporting visible ruffles on its body.

Different Themes Gathered from the Dream World

This segment gathers the various themes represented in Madotsuki's mind through the different dream worlds, many of these are "canon" as they are gathering segments from the games world, thus they are a theme of Yume Nikki.

Isolation

Madotsuki's isolation is a central theme throughout the game, starting with her confinement to her apartment. Throughout the course of the game, Madotsuki is never shown leaving the safety of her apartment, providing a sense of confinement. There are subtle markers in the game that indicate the passage of time, such as her visits to the balcony, where the changing sky reveals that night has passed and day has arrived. This signifies the slow passage of time, but also her inability to engage with it. When interacting with the door in the real world, Madotsuki shakes her head in refusal, reinforcing the idea that leaving the room is not an option.

In contrast, within her dream world, the door in the real world transforms into an opportunity for escape. The dream realm allows Madotsuki to venture beyond the confines of her apartment, through doors that resemble the one in her apartment, opening up new areas of exploration. Through these portals in the Nexus, Madotsuki can access various dream locations, further emphasizing the escape from isolation, but only within the confines of her dreams.

The feeling of isolation and loneliness persists throughout the dream world. The world is eerily quiet, with no dialogue or significant interaction with NPCs. Most NPCs ignore Madotsuki completely, creating a sense of emptiness. There are, however, a few exceptions: certain NPCs will acknowledge her presence, but they seem distant or disinterested, further emphasizing the solitary nature of her existence. For instance, the shoppers in the Mall, when approached, will flee from Madotsuki and become deformed, making a strange, unsettling noise as they disappear. This interaction further solidifies the sense of isolation, as even the few interactions that occur are abnormal and unfriendly.

The locations themselves often feel vast, empty, and unwelcoming. These locations are not only large but also repetitive, looping back on themselves in a way that fosters a sense of disorientation and solitude. Particularly near The Nexus, these locations often lack distinctive features, adding to their sense of abandonment and emptiness. The soundtrack further contributes to the isolation, as it consists of shorter, repetitive tracks that add to the feeling of time slipping away. Unlike longer compositions in other games that mark the passage of time, the shorter pieces in Madotsuki's dream world create a sense of timelessness, as if time is irrelevant or lost altogether.

Toriningenparty

Throughout her journey, Madotsuki encounters mysterious and towering creatures referred to as Toriningen by fans. These creatures are generally considered to be enemies due to their hostile behavior when in a "lunatic" state. When Madotsuki encounters these creatures in this state, they trap her in areas from which escape is impossible, further emphasizing her sense of powerlessness. Unlike other NPCs that appear in isolation or in smaller groups, the Toriningen have a distinct group dynamic that sets them apart. This dynamic is different from other NPC groups, such as the Wheelies, who appear individually rather than as a cohesive unit.

The most notable instance of this group dynamic is the Toriningen Party:

A group of Toriningen can be seen in the Wilderness, gathered together and enjoying a picnic. They dance to lively, cheerful music, an odd contrast to their typically hostile nature.
This scene cannot be accessed by Madotsuki, as the plants in the Wilderness obstruct her path and prevent her from getting closer.
It's particularly striking that these seemingly menacing enemies are presented as a united group, engaged in a joyful activity, while Madotsuki remains a solitary figure, unable to join or even approach them.

This encounter highlights a stark contrast: the Toriningen, often seen as enemies, are portrayed as a community, while Madotsuki exists as an isolated individual. This division between the enemies’ group dynamic and Madotsuki's solitude further reinforces the theme of isolation.

Other Isolated Characters
Aside from Madotsuki herself, there are several other characters in the game who seem to be isolated in their own unique ways. These characters reflect different aspects of loneliness and confinement, whether physically or emotionally.

Poniko

Poniko is the only character found in the Pink Sea. She, like Madotsuki, is confined to her room and appears to be the sole inhabitant of this isolated space. Poniko's isolation mirrors Madotsuki's own, providing another layer to the game's overall theme of withdrawal from the world.

Mafurako

Mafurako roams the expansive Block World, but much like Poniko, Mafurako is alone. When teleporting, Mafurako typically moves to a distant spot, far from Madotsuki. However, if Madotsuki is in her snowman form, Mafurako always teleports next to her. Mafurako remains mostly invisible, save for a hat and scarf, which could symbolize a desire to remain unseen, either out of shame or a wish to avoid connection with others.

Mars-san

Mars-san, found in the underground area of Mars, provides yet another example of isolation. Mars-san is only accessible by crashing a spaceship into Mars and using an effect to reach a tiny underground entrance. The disparity between Mars-san's small size and the tiny exit adds to the feeling of being trapped. Mars-san, unable to leave or explore, mirrors Madotsuki’s own feelings of confinement, making this encounter another representation of the game’s themes of isolation and entrapment.

Symbolism and Connection to Reality
The many doors in the Nexus could be symbolic of Madotsuki’s desire to explore the world, something she is unable to do in reality. In her dream world, these doors offer a chance to step beyond the confines of her apartment and experience new places and adventures. However, the reality of her life is one of stifling isolation, which makes the dreams feel like an escape, rather than a simple adventure. The Toriningen, with their height, stylish clothing, and unique dynamic, may represent figures in the real world that Madotsuki perceives as being out of her reach, such as a "popular girl." Their hostile, "lunatic" form could symbolize her experiences with bullying, which may have driven her to isolate herself from others.

Mars-san could symbolize Madotsuki’s own feelings of being trapped inside her apartment, unable to break free and experience the world outside. The encounter with Closet Madotsuki, a sleeping version of herself hidden in a closet in the Checkered Tile Path, further reflects her desire to retreat from the world and hide away from others, reinforcing the game's themes of isolation and self-imposed confinement.

The game's portrayal of isolation may also reflect real-world phenomena, such as the Hikikomori culture, where individuals withdraw from society entirely, choosing to remain indoors rather than engage with the outside world. This phenomenon, which affects many teens and young adults, shares a thematic parallel with Madotsuki’s withdrawal into her dreams and isolation from the real world.

Different Interpretations From Official Media

As Yume Nikki is an exploration game with largely no story, the game is left up to interpretation, though there are official Yume Nikki creations that have their own interpretations that can be dervied from.

Manga Interpretation: The Dream World is also a shared collective conscious of girls trying to turn them into "good girls" with characters like Poniko trying to find a way to esacpe the dream world^[69]^[70]^[71]^[72]^[73]. The Uboa transformation is a result of the girls wanting to be let out, creating an unsightly lump to apepar around them, eventually fully forming over them as they do not accept the changes of the dream world^[74].
Light Novel Interpretation: Poniko takes a far more kind and caring role in the light novel Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream, welcoming Madotsuki into her house and allowing her to rest there^[75]. Poniko even makes note that she wishes to be someone that can give Madotsuki a sense of security^[76]. She wishes to find a way to escape the dream world^[77]. Poniko is interprets that she is the dreamer in this take instead of Madotsuki, constantly trying to chase after and talk to Madotsuki^[78]. Poniko interprets this as Madotsuki was her child that she had a miscarriage with^[79]. At the end of the novel Poniko furthers the assumption that in a way the newborn and her are sharing the same dream somehow and she has been keeping her locked away within this dream and is finally ready to embrace her^[80].
-Dream Diary- Interpretation: -Dream Diary- keeps the more open-ended interpretation from the original game, as Poniko is merely studying, not wanting to show Madotsuki what she is studying^[81]. With her Uboa form trying to stay away from Madotsuki as once she gets to Uboa, she takes its mask^[82]. She is also far more aggressive and will kill Madotsuki if she does not equip the lantern when walking over to her notebook when Uboa spawns^[83].

Misconceptions

The Novel Confirms Madotsuki is Poniko's Unborn Child

This is actually not the full truth, but moreso a half truth, it comes from Poniko's interpretation of chasing Madotsuki in her dreams as a child she has had a miscarriage with^[84], and at the end of the novel she takes it as the child never suffered miscarriage but simply isn't born yet and she has been trying to avert being ready to have a child^[85]. However, as Poniko said herself these are just interpretations that she's not sure if she's right about anymore, by this point in the novel Poniko has slowly been too tired out to where she can't even distinguish dream from reality and is making interpretations for why she can't see the things she sees. The novel in actuality is leaving it up for interpretation as Poniko embracing Madotsuki as a newborn can also be viewed in a symbolic lens rather then a literal lens.

Codex Statistics Questions

Q: Shouldn't she have 2-C Environmental Destruction for causing the entire dream world to be destroyed?

A: The dream world is an abstract realm that can't properly be tiered, though even assuming it could be, she does this through specifically destroying Madotsuki's notebook^[86], indicating that this is a weakness of the dream world rather than a tier for her.

Battle Records

None.

References

↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2
↑ Yume Nikki Effects
↑ Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
↑ Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 7
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 9.1
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: "Even so, I am still uneasy.
It still seems like there are things left to do.
“Ts this diary truly complete? Is there not more to it?”
The doctor indicates the remaining pages in the diary where I’ve recorded the contents of my dreams.
“What about the doors you haven’t opened, the areas you haven’t passed through?”
I hate being questioned like this, so I look away.
I faintly gaze at the miniature garden sitting on my lap.
The Effects make an egg-shape to conceal the doll that looks like you. They look like the ones that you tossed out. After you went to all the trouble to gather them. As if to say they’re not yours, that you don’t need them.
Gather all of the pieces and complete the heart, unifying it.
Is that not the heart’s final goal?
Why am I rejecting it then?
Don’t I want to get better? Don’t I want to feel at ease?
Was it intentional that I kept missing you the whole time? Was I walking around and around so that I would get tired out?
I’m misremembering something basic.
I am still hiding something.
“Your story is very interesting. There aren’t that many people that could share their dreams in such detail. However, it clearly isn’t enough. There’s something obviously being left out. It’s precisely because certain parts aren’t detailed or clear that they’re painted black,” the doctor says, obviously saddened.
Trying to grasp someone else’s mind must be a difficult job. Their unseeable mind and yours collide, damaging one another and bleeding out. You can’t just insert a scalpel from that safe space or give them medicine. The doctor and patient become one, they sympathize, melt together — they warp, hurt each other, and become exhausted.
That’s why the doctor hopes their patient will rise up again on their own.
That’s the best, clearest way of doing it without anyone being hurt.
“Tt doesn’t seem like you’re making it up, though it does seem like you’re glossing over the important parts. That’s why it’s a distorted story, like a book where half the pages have been covered in paint. You don’t realize that you’re avoiding the most important truth.”"
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I am watching you.
You stand frozen, somewhat dumbfounded, in the middle of my adorably decorated room.
“Uhhm—”
I put my hand on my chest and steady my breathing.
I tell myself to calm down.
I should have been able to predict that this would happen.
That’s because you and I — we’re having the same dream.
Of course it would be possible that someday, you might find your way here. After all, I’ve thought about what it would be like to come face-toface with you like this, how I should behave — I’ve even practiced it.
But, it’s like unexpectedly happening upon a celebrity in town.
I feel so flustered.
“W-Welcome. No, that’s not it, this isn’t a store or anything that formal — uhm.”
Not sure of what to say, I stand here, flustered as you stare at me.
No one acts the way they think they would within their dreams.
“Tt must have been cold out there. Well, my place isn’t very exciting, but feel free to rest here.” I motion toward a cushion over in the corner of the room.
You show not even a hint of a reaction. I start to feel uneasy once again.
I have no clue what you’re thinking — with no hint as to what’s going on inside your head, you wander over expressionlessly to the bookshelf on my wall and begin to investigate.
It doesn’t feel very good to have someone just walk up and start touching things in one’s room. It feels like a breach of manners — but I guess that’s what one might do in the relaxed environment of a friend’s room. At least, after seeing the friendly expression on your face, that’s the impression I get."
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki Knife Effect on Poniko
↑ Yume Nikki Knife Effect on Poniko
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki Uboa Event
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "You seem relieved by the sight and begin walking through the snow.
It’s a beautiful snow field, untainted by anyone else’s footsteps.
You walk about the wind-blown ruts made in the snow.
You open the red umbrella, which you seem to have taken a liking to, blocking out the onslaught of snow as you walk along. Your footsteps are light, meaning it might not be as cold as one would expect. Perhaps it’s because it’s a dream, so you just can’t feel hot and cold. The unexplained warmth you’ve experienced is likely something of your own creation."
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 8
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 3
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 3
↑ Yume Nikki Stoplight Effect
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 16 / Sleepwalking: "As if you hate the idea, you collect all of the things you have discovered within your dreams that have left an impression upon you. These items that drip with significance, which I call Effects, are reliably preserved within you, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together to make up who you are.
Among those Effects are those which, on occasion, can impact your surroundings. As you use them, you can set foot into increasingly extraordinary areas.
Each Effect brings with it its own heaviness, and some bring a sense of pain — as you acquire each one, you seem to become more and more exhausted. Becoming fulfilled, growing, but getting more and more tired. It’s almost like becoming an adult.
You continue gathering a variety of Effects.
Like a bicycle, for example. That little vehicle, left in the corner of a fantastical world, moves you farther and faster than ever before. Chasing you as you zip about with such zeal, your braids flying in the wind, is something that brings me a great deal of hardship.
Or like the knife. It seems to be the only weapon that you possess. With it, you walk here and there, stabbing some of the bizarre beings and destroying others. Like the legs that look like they were being grown in some vessel, or the thing overflowing with blood, or the woman that looks like she melted in the hot springs, or the thing that looks like a toy soldier. It is scary for me when you are waving the knife about, and I stay away from you for fear of being stabbed."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 2
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9
↑ Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I am watching you.
You stand frozen, somewhat dumbfounded, in the middle of my adorably decorated room.
“Uhhm—”
I put my hand on my chest and steady my breathing.
I tell myself to calm down.
I should have been able to predict that this would happen.
That’s because you and I — we’re having the same dream.
Of course it would be possible that someday, you might find your way here. After all, I’ve thought about what it would be like to come face-toface with you like this, how I should behave — I’ve even practiced it.
But, it’s like unexpectedly happening upon a celebrity in town.
I feel so flustered.
“W-Welcome. No, that’s not it, this isn’t a store or anything that formal — uhm.”
Not sure of what to say, I stand here, flustered as you stare at me.
No one acts the way they think they would within their dreams.
“Tt must have been cold out there. Well, my place isn’t very exciting, but feel free to rest here.” I motion toward a cushion over in the corner of the room.
You show not even a hint of a reaction. I start to feel uneasy once again.
I have no clue what you’re thinking — with no hint as to what’s going on inside your head, you wander over expressionlessly to the bookshelf on my wall and begin to investigate.
It doesn’t feel very good to have someone just walk up and start touching things in one’s room. It feels like a breach of manners — but I guess that’s what one might do in the relaxed environment of a friend’s room. At least, after seeing the friendly expression on your face, that’s the impression I get."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "Next to the bookshelf, a picture of a large creature, like an elephant or a whale, done in a cute style of painting, is placed in a frame upon the wall.
It gives off a sense of security, like having a mighty ally.
That’s right, I want to be someone who gives you a sense of security, who gives you a place where you can rest.
Just walking and walking must tire you out. There’s no way you’ve had a chance to recover.
That’s exactly why.
“You understand right? All of these — they’re your dream diary. Your ‘yume nikki.’”
For some reason, you just keep meandering about in front of the bookshelf, so I take out one of the books and open it.
What’s written within are several words heavy with meaning.
Red umbrella. Stoplight. You must remember having actually written these words."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I open the book and hold it out in front of you.
I clear my throat and continue.
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Well, we have time — I’m not doing anything, and I wanna find out how I ended up lost in this nightmare. I want to escape if at all possible — it’s the same for you, right?”
I take out another book.
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Poniko's Room
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World
↑ Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Poniko's Room
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.
↑ Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."
↑ Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 9.1

[1] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[2] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5

[3] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6

[4] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7

[5] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8

[6] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9

[7] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2

[8] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."

[9] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.

[10] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."

[11] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."

[12] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.

[13] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."

[14] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5

[15] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5

[16] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6

[17] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7

[18] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8

[19] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9

[20] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2

[21] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2

[22] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9

[23] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2

[24] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9.2

[25] Yume Nikki Effects

[26] Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect

[27] Yume Nikki Umbrella Effect

[28] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 7

[29] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 9.1

[30] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8

[31] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."

[32] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: "Even so, I am still uneasy.
It still seems like there are things left to do.
“Ts this diary truly complete? Is there not more to it?”
The doctor indicates the remaining pages in the diary where I’ve recorded the contents of my dreams.
“What about the doors you haven’t opened, the areas you haven’t passed through?”
I hate being questioned like this, so I look away.
I faintly gaze at the miniature garden sitting on my lap.
The Effects make an egg-shape to conceal the doll that looks like you. They look like the ones that you tossed out. After you went to all the trouble to gather them. As if to say they’re not yours, that you don’t need them.
Gather all of the pieces and complete the heart, unifying it.
Is that not the heart’s final goal?
Why am I rejecting it then?
Don’t I want to get better? Don’t I want to feel at ease?
Was it intentional that I kept missing you the whole time? Was I walking around and around so that I would get tired out?
I’m misremembering something basic.
I am still hiding something.
“Your story is very interesting. There aren’t that many people that could share their dreams in such detail. However, it clearly isn’t enough. There’s something obviously being left out. It’s precisely because certain parts aren’t detailed or clear that they’re painted black,” the doctor says, obviously saddened.
Trying to grasp someone else’s mind must be a difficult job. Their unseeable mind and yours collide, damaging one another and bleeding out. You can’t just insert a scalpel from that safe space or give them medicine. The doctor and patient become one, they sympathize, melt together — they warp, hurt each other, and become exhausted.
That’s why the doctor hopes their patient will rise up again on their own.
That’s the best, clearest way of doing it without anyone being hurt.
“Tt doesn’t seem like you’re making it up, though it does seem like you’re glossing over the important parts. That’s why it’s a distorted story, like a book where half the pages have been covered in paint. You don’t realize that you’re avoiding the most important truth.”"

[33] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I am watching you.
You stand frozen, somewhat dumbfounded, in the middle of my adorably decorated room.
“Uhhm—”
I put my hand on my chest and steady my breathing.
I tell myself to calm down.
I should have been able to predict that this would happen.
That’s because you and I — we’re having the same dream.
Of course it would be possible that someday, you might find your way here. After all, I’ve thought about what it would be like to come face-toface with you like this, how I should behave — I’ve even practiced it.
But, it’s like unexpectedly happening upon a celebrity in town.
I feel so flustered.
“W-Welcome. No, that’s not it, this isn’t a store or anything that formal — uhm.”
Not sure of what to say, I stand here, flustered as you stare at me.
No one acts the way they think they would within their dreams.
“Tt must have been cold out there. Well, my place isn’t very exciting, but feel free to rest here.” I motion toward a cushion over in the corner of the room.
You show not even a hint of a reaction. I start to feel uneasy once again.
I have no clue what you’re thinking — with no hint as to what’s going on inside your head, you wander over expressionlessly to the bookshelf on my wall and begin to investigate.
It doesn’t feel very good to have someone just walk up and start touching things in one’s room. It feels like a breach of manners — but I guess that’s what one might do in the relaxed environment of a friend’s room. At least, after seeing the friendly expression on your face, that’s the impression I get."

[34] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 6

[35] Yume Nikki Knife Effect on Poniko

[36] Yume Nikki Knife Effect on Poniko

[37] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."

[38] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."

[39] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[40] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5

[41] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[42] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5

[43] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[44] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[45] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[46] Yume Nikki Uboa Event

[47] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect

[48] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World

[49] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect

[50] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World

[51] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 8 / Blizzard: "You seem relieved by the sight and begin walking through the snow.
It’s a beautiful snow field, untainted by anyone else’s footsteps.
You walk about the wind-blown ruts made in the snow.
You open the red umbrella, which you seem to have taken a liking to, blocking out the onslaught of snow as you walk along. Your footsteps are light, meaning it might not be as cold as one would expect. Perhaps it’s because it’s a dream, so you just can’t feel hot and cold. The unexplained warmth you’ve experienced is likely something of your own creation."

[52] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 5

[53] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 8

[54] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4

[55] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 4

[56] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 3

[57] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 3

[58] Yume Nikki Stoplight Effect

[59] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."

[60] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."

[61] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 16 / Sleepwalking: "As if you hate the idea, you collect all of the things you have discovered within your dreams that have left an impression upon you. These items that drip with significance, which I call Effects, are reliably preserved within you, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle coming together to make up who you are.
Among those Effects are those which, on occasion, can impact your surroundings. As you use them, you can set foot into increasingly extraordinary areas.
Each Effect brings with it its own heaviness, and some bring a sense of pain — as you acquire each one, you seem to become more and more exhausted. Becoming fulfilled, growing, but getting more and more tired. It’s almost like becoming an adult.
You continue gathering a variety of Effects.
Like a bicycle, for example. That little vehicle, left in the corner of a fantastical world, moves you farther and faster than ever before. Chasing you as you zip about with such zeal, your braids flying in the wind, is something that brings me a great deal of hardship.
Or like the knife. It seems to be the only weapon that you possess. With it, you walk here and there, stabbing some of the bizarre beings and destroying others. Like the legs that look like they were being grown in some vessel, or the thing overflowing with blood, or the woman that looks like she melted in the hot springs, or the thing that looks like a toy soldier. It is scary for me when you are waving the knife about, and I stay away from you for fear of being stabbed."

[62] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 3 / Red Umbrella: "You start to stumble forward, but perplexed, you brush aside your bangs and gaze down at your feet.
A tiny umbrella is lying on the ground.
The vivid, crimson umbrella stands out amidst the unchanging scenery. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pick up the umbrella and open it all the way.
When is it that one would use an umbrella? Mainly when rain falls. As if cause and effect, before and after, switched places — like in Through the Looking-Glass — it suddenly begins to rain.
Raindrops pound the umbrella with a thunderous rhythm.
You pull the red umbrella close to yourself, taking care not to get wet.
The rain is like tears, but it is a symbol of blessing. Tears have a positive function — they are like a sponge that soaks up sadness before they are expelled from the body. They brighten the path before you.
The puddles are blurred by the massive downpour of rain, the water level rising and then overflowing, like clusters of anxiety, and within them, the arguing man and woman disappear without explanation.
As if your worries have been laid to rest, you begin walking along once again, with no set destination.
Perhaps it’s that you’re ignoring your troubles, or possibly that you’re letting the umbrella catch them instead.
Cheerfully."

[63] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 13 / The Unconscious Mind: "I’m already baffled, then you suddenly open your umbrella in front of me, as if to block my view.
“Hwha?” I topple back in surprise at your sudden action.
At that same moment, even though we’re inside — it starts to rain. It’s a baffling phenomenon, but as we are in a dream, something like this shouldn’t be too much of a shock. The raindrops hit my cheeks and begin to soak the book I’m holding open, so I close it in a panic.
I look up at you.
“You open an umbrella because rain is falling. That’s reality. That’s the world of the conscious mind. But here, rain falls after you open your umbrella. It’s reversed. Through the Looking-Glass, that story by Lewis Carroll that was like a love letter to the young girl Alice — does hold some important hints. The story of Alice is the story of a dream.”
Reason is topsy-turvy. Cause and effect are swapped.
Because this is a dream.
So that type of logic is fitting here. Through the Looking-Glass is correct in a Jungian psychology sense."

[64] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6

[65] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect

[66] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Mask of Fear Effect

[67] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 1

[68] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 2

[69] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 5

[70] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6

[71] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 7

[72] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 8

[73] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 9

[74] Yume Nikki Volume 1, Chapter 6

[75] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I am watching you.
You stand frozen, somewhat dumbfounded, in the middle of my adorably decorated room.
“Uhhm—”
I put my hand on my chest and steady my breathing.
I tell myself to calm down.
I should have been able to predict that this would happen.
That’s because you and I — we’re having the same dream.
Of course it would be possible that someday, you might find your way here. After all, I’ve thought about what it would be like to come face-toface with you like this, how I should behave — I’ve even practiced it.
But, it’s like unexpectedly happening upon a celebrity in town.
I feel so flustered.
“W-Welcome. No, that’s not it, this isn’t a store or anything that formal — uhm.”
Not sure of what to say, I stand here, flustered as you stare at me.
No one acts the way they think they would within their dreams.
“Tt must have been cold out there. Well, my place isn’t very exciting, but feel free to rest here.” I motion toward a cushion over in the corner of the room.
You show not even a hint of a reaction. I start to feel uneasy once again.
I have no clue what you’re thinking — with no hint as to what’s going on inside your head, you wander over expressionlessly to the bookshelf on my wall and begin to investigate.
It doesn’t feel very good to have someone just walk up and start touching things in one’s room. It feels like a breach of manners — but I guess that’s what one might do in the relaxed environment of a friend’s room. At least, after seeing the friendly expression on your face, that’s the impression I get."

[76] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "Next to the bookshelf, a picture of a large creature, like an elephant or a whale, done in a cute style of painting, is placed in a frame upon the wall.
It gives off a sense of security, like having a mighty ally.
That’s right, I want to be someone who gives you a sense of security, who gives you a place where you can rest.
Just walking and walking must tire you out. There’s no way you’ve had a chance to recover.
That’s exactly why.
“You understand right? All of these — they’re your dream diary. Your ‘yume nikki.’”
For some reason, you just keep meandering about in front of the bookshelf, so I take out one of the books and open it.
What’s written within are several words heavy with meaning.
Red umbrella. Stoplight. You must remember having actually written these words."

[77] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 11 / Onlooker: "I open the book and hold it out in front of you.
I clear my throat and continue.
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Well, we have time — I’m not doing anything, and I wanna find out how I ended up lost in this nightmare. I want to escape if at all possible — it’s the same for you, right?”
I take out another book.

[78] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 25 / Interpreting Dreams: “My dreams, my heart and mind—” Again, I ask, “What will that explain?”
“T’d rather hear your opinion on that subject than mine — it’s vital.”
On hearing that, I begrudgingly begin to think.
I remember.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt in the dream.
"I..."
The dream is so far away, and remembering it here in reality is hard.
Even so, I desperately try to scrutinize it.
“In my dreams, I’m always chasing a lone girl who’s just walking around. That girl seems to be collecting something. No, it’s more like she has nothing else to do. She’s picking up these special things, things that left an impression, throughout her mind.”
I named these “Effects.”
The dream didn’t seem to have any other obvious goal besides collecting them.
Just walking around.
That’s all you did the whole time, occasionally stopping to gather Effects.
“For the mind, that’s the most important thing. I think it’s a very significant activity. I was trying to collect the pieces of my mind, trying to put them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Trying to create the completed version. That’s what I think. Collecting the shattered pieces of my heart, returning myself, that seems to be the goal—”
I can’t really put it into words. So much so that it makes me impatient.
I cannot understand your feelings.
“T want to be treated, want my illness to be cured, I think those are the feelings I’m trying to express. It’s painful, so I don’t want to stay ill. I want to return to health, to well-being. That’s why I gather the things missing, the things scattered about—”
“That might be true.”
The doctor will not reach a conclusion."

[79] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.

[80] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."

[81] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Poniko's Room

[82] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Uboa's World

[83] Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- Poniko's Room

[84] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Chapter 28 / To Die: "Even so, it feels like I’ve moved through life weathering a storm.
But something caused everything to fail and fall apart.
Maybe I was blessed with a child. I was pregnant. A new life resided within me. That was you. What I’m referring to as “you” was that child. Those swaying braids were a symbol of the umbilical cord. The fetus always slept, without opening her eyes. That’s why your eyes were always closed — at least, that’s what I think.
A fetus, inside its mother’s stomach, is connected to her, sharing her dream.
Another person, connected.
That’s why we both existed in the dream at the same time. Normally, we would be switching out. As if the baton were passed, surface and hidden, conscious and unconscious, reality and dreams, they’re all supposed to switch. I saw you. We exist separately yet had the same dream.
That’s the trick.
At the very least, I get the feeling that that line of thinking makes some sort of sense.
But, you’ve died. You emerged, fell, and died. Maybe I had a miscarriage. I was unable to acknowledge it. Unable to accept it, I averted my eyes, held back those memories and that pain, sealed it away, and got distorted. I ruptured and broke.
And then I got sick.
You.
You, to whom I never gave a name.
I was supposed to love you. The treasure I found after this painful, suffocating life. | gave you a hat and scarf as a gift. I wanted to walk off somewhere with you, hand-in-hand. I wanted to read picture books aloud to you, the both of us laughing together.
However, I cannot touch you.
Never again, for all eternity.
You emerged, fell, and died.
I can’t even see you in my dreams anymore.
That is my conjecture.
My conclusion.
My interpretation.
The symbols scattered throughout the dreams, these things I’ve called Effects that carry a particular degree of impression, are gathered, making the heart whole. With all of the pieces that went missing filled in, I remember everything. Unable to handle it, my unconscious mind leapt out, was crushed and ruined, then died.
You’ve gone so far away.
Even if I reach out, my hand won’t reach you.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings in the world couldn’t put him together again. Not even God. The dreams fall, fall... slamming into the ground. Cracking into pieces like an egg, ending up all over the place. All that remains in my future is blood scattered about a gloomy darkness.
I wanted to live my life with you.
I was supposed to love you.
All I wanted was for you to come out of my belly, to be born. Once the umbilical cord is severed, we can no longer share our dreams.
Even that would have been fine. I wanted you to live, not in dreams, but in reality.
Even if I wasn’t in your dream, it would be fine.
But the one who disappeared was you.
All that’s left is me, with a giant hole in my belly and my heart.

[85] Yume Nikki: I Am Not in Your Dream Final Chapter / I Am Not in Your Dream: "Finally, I reach the highest part of the hill.
The peak.
When I look behind me, it is a mountain of unbelievable height. It seems I have reached its highest point. There, the ground is a bit cracked. A small hole gapes there, spewing steam that seems to hint at good fortune and to invite sleep.
That hole looks like a crater. It looks like magma, the Earth’s lifeforce itself, could come flowing out. On the other hand, it looks like it could lead to a mysterious and wondrous land. That hole really is so small, and save for a miracle, it does not seem like one could get inside. It is a realistic hole, one that won’t open, no matter how much magic or mysticism one puts into it.
However, I try to go farther in. There’s nowhere else to go, unless I fold myself up and proceed through this hole. If I lop off my appendages and my head, I could make myself smaller. No, concentrate myself. Like a jewel. I try to fold myself up, over and over, but nothing changes.
I try over and over.
Even though I feel like giving up, I muster my courage.
I devote myself to this exhausting effort.
I suddenly fall into the hole.
I can’t make a decent landing, and I hit my backside hard. A violent pain causes me to shriek. But, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t. Endure, endure... I grind my teeth and withstand the impact and agony of what it feels like to be crushed.
I stand up.
There is a stairway right before me. It’s a rusted, unreliable stairway that looks like it’s on the verge of crumbling. It’s constructed in a spiral, like DNA, and likely leads deep underground. It stretches farther in, deeper in.
I don’t know where it leads. However, it’s my one and only path. I can no longer turn back. I timidly descend. With each step, the stairs creak, echoing a disquieting sound. Like a dangerous walk across a tightrope.
Finally, the stairway snaps partway down, and I fall once more. This time, it’s not from that great of a height. I soon hit the ground, giving me no time to prepare my body for impact.
I feel like crying.
I sit up, then stand.
I’m in terrible state with my clothes dirtied and torn, but I’ve made it somehow. Maybe it’s the deepest part of the dream. Further, further, and further in still. It’s normally a place where one can’t reach. Surely, within the collective unconscious.
Numerous broken machines are kept here.
They’re huge machines, ones that look like trains. Just as the body is a vehicle for genes, for life. That’s what they appear to symbolize. The trains are completely worn down, with breakdowns and broken parts here and there. They’re vehicles that are broken down and, without serious repairs, will never move again.
They are heavily damaged mechanisms.
But, they’re still here.
I think as I walk along, dizzy, leaning against the machines for support.
hey’re broken down. They’ve fallen ill, gotten tired, and seem ready to give up living. This is my heart, my mind, my life, in this very state. I wasn’t that strong of a vessel. I broke down, let off sparks, lived on, dragging along this husk in desperate need of repair.
However—
I think I have made a huge mistake. The vehicle is broken, but it’s still here. The one who decides whether or not it’s truly useless is me.
No, from the beginning, it was me myself.
This is my dream.
My unconscious.
Within my mind and heart.
The girl with the hat and scarf, those monochromatic sisters, that doctor, all of them are denizens of my dreams. My shadow selves. I can’t speak about anything I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is to the truth.
I tried to admonish, blame, and abandon my shadows — the antagonizers of my ego. Isn’t that evasion? Isn’t that running away? I miscarried my precious child, and she was lost. I fell ill. That’s what I believed.
What if that weren’t true?
What if it were just anxiety, the screams and cries of the shadows, of my unconscious mind? What if truth and reality were different?
What if it had just been a pregnancy riddled with anxiety — anxiety about whether or not I could successfully give birth, about whether I could properly love and care for her? I was afraid of miscarrying and losing my child. No, in that situation, my stomach would just get lighter. I would feel relieved somehow. That’s all I thought.
If I had just quit from the start, I would have felt despair, but nothing worse.
In order to protect my heart and mind, I pretended not to see my own child, about to be born.
From the beginning, I resigned myself to your death and just let myself go on thinking that way.
How ridiculous. I am the worst. Of course, this is just my imagination. I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, or where the truth lies.
But, I want to believe it. From the very depths of ruin, it would be infinitely better.
At the same time, what if my imagination is correct—
I was So sorry.
In my dreams, that girl has died over and over. You, who flew, fell, and died. I sacrificed you in order to protect my own heart and mind. I distanced myself, pretended not to see, averted my eyes. I decided that it was preferable for you to die so I didn’t have to feel pain. Because you were someone else. Because it didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s what I had begun to think.
Of course, unconsciously.
But that’s too horrible. I regret it.
I’m so sorry I’m weak, and I gave up. I’m sorry. But—
But you’ve been right here.
I look up. There is a large life form. It looks like a monster. A monster writhing and moaning in pain......
This is the fruit of my distorted heart.
It looks like a fetus. A frail, dainty, and precious life, with no way to protect itself. Sealed away in the depths of the dream, in the deepest part of my mind, is you. I draw close to you. I apologize over and over, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I won’t forget again. I won’t seal you deep down here, pretending I don’t see you. I won’t let you feel lonely again. I’ll be by your side. I draw the thing that looks like a fetus near. I hold you, feel your body heat.
It’s warm.
I feel like I’m getting sleepy.
There are times where dreams have predicted reality.
Those could have been coincidences. Or perhaps it was instinct, peeking out statistically from the collective unconscious. Prophecies. Future predictions... So it could be possible that someday, I may have to see you in that absolute worst state, a future where you fly, fall, and die.
However, I will go to great lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I will be brave and draw you close.
I will protect you.
Until you disappear from my dreams, until you come forth from my belly, I will continue to draw you close like this.
I will liberate you, unharmed, so that you are no longer imprisoned in these dreams.
Someday, you and I will no longer be able to share a dream.
I will not be in your dream.
As you will not be in mine.
Because you’|l be gone, at least from my dreams, and we’|I bid farewell.
But, I will find you in reality.
I will hear your first newborn cries.
You will surely open your eyes and look at me.
And with a broad smile, I will say, “Good morning."

[86] Yume Nikki Manga Volume 1, Chapter 9.1

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“	I've been thinking about a lot of things. Well, we have time - I'm not doing anything, and I wanna find out how I ended up lost in this nightmare. I want to escape if at all possible - it's the same for you, right?	„
	~ Poniko to Madotsuki in the novel

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